- This topic has 1 reply, 15 voices, and was last updated 18 years, 1 month ago by
.
-
Posts
-
I am an amature sociologist and I am sure this article will be quick to make women draw the “you cannot say that politically incorrect stuff, I am a woman!” card.
Regarding Margie’s article:
What’s wrong with a man wanting to be treated like a god? You American women all talk this “goddess” talk, and expect men to treat you like goddesses, when the truth is most of you have no respect for men. They work hard to provide a home and the majority of US women are unappreciative man bashers. What a hypocrite the author is.
Dah, I sure cannot understand why she cannot get a date in Costa Rica where women actually appreciate a man’s hard work and family support. Where family and motherhood is most important. Where divorce is not an option because you are bored, as family isn’t enough. Mother’s day is one of the most important holidays in Costa Rica. Why, because motherhood is kept in the proper perspective, unlike the US.
You article ditzes motherhood and implies that security through family is not enough. That is why the birth rate is falling. Men do not want to have babies with Americam women where marriage is used as an economic advancement vehicle.
Family is enough and that is why US men are looking to Latin countries. They do not want to pick out the colors of the curtains in the living room, but they do want to steer the ship. US women want to steer the ship, they want to wear the pants and somtimes the skirt (when it is to their advantage). They want to have the door opend for them as if they are honorable ladies and they also want to behave like the women in “Sex in the City.” Give me a break.
The severe lack of femininity puts them at a great disadvantage, and it is the US women’s choice to seek masculine power and neglect the tremendous and well needed power of femininity. The power that lies at the heart of men’s true love.
The following is a generality, but true: Most US girls don’t want husbands, unfortunatly they need wives.
Read some of Dr Laura’s books. Especially Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands.
I reread this post, and it seems a bit hostile but my intention is to enlighten US women about how lost their values have become. Most act like card carrying members of the organization “NOW” which is an acronym for “Not Original Women.”
I think Margie needs to go back to where the women where the pants, US men and Ticos do not appreciate her femanazism here. Women here still value being mothers and respect the men that provide for their families. Margie, do you have children? I rest my case.
Please Scott how about some rebutlle articles about why men search for non-americanized women. I came to CR to get away from there goddess mindset.
Diego, I do understand that you might be a stright forward kind of a guy, and I respect that. I have read the artical and understand her view point. That is all it is a view point!
How ever as some of the people on this board know I have a connection to this issue. When I showed that article to my wife she almost choked to death! I am trying to convince her to right a article for Scott about the view point of a Tica! As you can guess I am married to a Tica, and have been for the last five years.
My wife read the article and said that is a gringas view point!Some of the comments that Margie Davis state such as
“These Ticas tend to be very attractive and have been brought up to treat men as gods (general statement). These women don’t think of themselves as independent thinkers with aspirations for personal or career growth. They want to marry a wealthy men and secure their futures by having babies. Procreating is what they’ve been trained to do.”
My wife thought this was funny since she recived her masters degree in Economics at the Univeristy of Costa Rica in San Jose. (this is not a private collage it is the true goverment Univeristy) As well as she worked for one of the most prestige organizations in Costa Rica called IICA researching and teaching about ISO certification to farmers, where she also wrote many books for the World Organization. Her friends which are highly educated ticas and ticos would pass this kind of rehtoric as the gringa answer to her problems. Blame the others not themselfs!
Again this is only a observation from a gringo that is married to a Tica!We can go deeper into the artical but I don’t think this is the time to do this since I am behind on my house cleaning chores. See my wife dosent treat me like a god, just as a equal hahahahaha.
I do wish Margie well in her indevers in finding a match and do apprciate her point of view with the artical. How ever I belive it is a tuneled view and maybe she has issues that are not the problem of the Ticos or Ticas.
Feel free to ask any questions regarding being married to a Tica!
“These Ticas tend to be very attractive and have been brought up to treat men as gods (general statement). These women don’t think of themselves as independent thinkers with aspirations for personal or career growth. They want to marry a wealthy men and secure their futures by having babies. Procreating is what they’ve been trained to do.”
I’ve known plenty of gringas who have this attitude, especially when it comes to dating very wealthy men: They get pregnant as soon as they can and then make the guy pay child support and palimony for the next 18 years. It’s kind of a built-in retirement fund! So this isn’t a practice relegated to Tico culture at all.
Advice to Margie:
Whether Diego is right or wrong makes little difference. It’s the perception that counts, and in Costa Rica, men’s perception of Gringas is, generally speaking, not good, for all the reasons outlined. In fact, I generally try to discourage Gringa women from thinking about a serious relationship with a born and bred Latino, as it usually doesn’t work out. The clash between machista possessiveness and feminist individualism is just too much.
This isn’t to say that there aren’t intelligent and powerful women in Costa Rica, there are indeed! But they retain their feminine side proudly, with no social axe to grind with men. They generally think of feminism as anti-family.
This being the case, you must recognize your disadvantage, and work to mitigate it. Even if you’re not a stereotypical Gringa, Ticos are nonetheless intimidated by you.
Here are some tips I can think of:
1. You hit the nail on the head regarding people socializing in groups. That’s how it’s done. A woman sitting alone in a café looking approachable is a “puta”. All you find that way is men looking for “putas”. Stay in your group.
2. Learn Spanish. If you learn it well, it will give you further insight into the culture, making your communication skills that much better.
3. Dress like a Tica. It will make you that much more approachable.
4. Smile at the cat calls, but keep walking and don’t turn your head. People want most that which they can’t have, and smiling will show that you’re more Tica than Gringa.
5. If the 20s & 30s guys dig you, go with it! That line in the sand is in your head only. At the very least, it will ease your desperation, and give you practice at “handling” a Latino. Just two things – the younger and more educated the Tico, the less machista. On the other hand, with youth comes greater sexual angst, and Gringas are perceived as easy.
6. The best advice you get isn’t from me, but rather from your Tica girlfriends. Get to know them better.
Truth be told, I am one of the many Gringos who hooked up with a Tica, partly due to all the Gringa complexes I encountered in the US. The fact of the matter is, we all have our complexes, and marrying out of your culture means a decade of work or more to come to understand the foreign complex exhibited by your spouse, if you have the will and the patience. If you think Gringo men and Gringa women don’t understand each other, just wait until you’ve witnessed the cultural divide added to the mix of gender miscommunication (not to mention language, and possibly religion as well!).
The only way to get through it is to recognize that the problems that develop are primarily due to miscommunication and misunderstanding. Both parties must be open to the possibility that they just don’t get it, and willing to work harder to break through the barriers.
I tell people that the only way it might work is if both parties live immersed in the other’s culture for several years. That way, they won’t think their spouse is crazy – it’s the country they come from that’s bizarro.
Edited on Sep 17, 2006 06:45
Very good advice, GringoTico. As a gringa myself, I had only one experience with a tico, and a very negative one. My advice to any gringa, is to save yourself some grief and just simply don’t go there . . . In my case, the man in question was someone I had dated for several months, many, many years ago, when he lived and was attending college – here in the States. He was a very different person then, perhaps because we tend to conform to our surroundings – he was more ‘Americanized’ when I knew him in the early 90’s. My memories of this man were of someone who was very moral, very kind, loving. When I met up with him again in 2005, his attitude was 100% ‘Latino’. Although we had once meant something to each other; the stacks of letters filled with ‘amor’ are proof of that, I was now nothing more than a p—. I cringe at the word . . . Horribly traumatic for me, as I thought I was going to find my long lost love. So much for innocence.
Does americanized mean feminized, emasculated, metro males?
Funny how you Gringa gals spout the virtues of all the docker wearing american men with thier clean shaven political correctness and secretly yearn for a masculine outlaw stud to follow through hell or high water.
I agree with you advice. Gringas stay out and on top of that, if you are here go back to the land of where you can treat men like dirt, disrespect them and then use the law to hide behind, or can flip them off on the highway without thoughts of repercussion. Someplace where you can be a man and also hide behind your skirt when necessary. The funny thing about your behaviors is that men allow and accept them (I use the word “men” here with reservation).
It is really a sad comentary on the US male society that men accept and encourage women to exhibit masculine traights. No wonder there is so much gay and lesbeian activities.
So let me sarcastically appoligies for my insensitive political incorrectness, after all I am in Costa Rica, not the US so I feel more than a right to be free, politically incorrect and frank.
Hope you can handle it, if not go get a US attorney a sue me. Ha!
Makohan, do you have children?
I rest my case. Americam women do not want to be bothered with children. Too busy fighting the status quo.
You’re pretty funny, Diego, but with your comments you’ve managed to catapult the women’s rights movement back into the 19th century. I’m married to a Latin, who constantly tells me that he prefers me to be in the kitchen preparing his meals rather than persuing a career. I just laugh because like all (or most!) Italian men, he’s such a mommoni, and I have yet to meet a man who was qualified to tell me what to do or to manage my life or even to support me in the style to which I became accustomed (on my own!). When I look at history, it seems that men are the ones who made a complete debacle of things, so thank you very much, but I like being in control of my life and not letting some chauvinist orchestrate it to his liking. The feminist movement got a bad rap. Not all independent and self-sufficient woman are men-haters. We just don’t want to adhere to some antiquated social standard where we don’t get equal pay for the same job, and where we are subordinate to a man. Can’t we all just play nice in the sandbox??
You gals are not playing nice. We all know it is you who run things, spend the money. We men live for you, came from you, can you not at least humor us by pretending to others that we are the head of the family. Have you read proper care and feeding of Husbnds – maybe you should spend some more time in the kitchen, our would you materialistic needs suffer. Heaven forbid!
Equal pay? How can you get equal pay for something only you can do – have babies. How come you are not having babies? Japan can’t keep up nor most of Europe or the non-latino US. It is the disregard for motherhood from the “educated” US females that I am pointing out, do you have kids Maavilla?
Before tradition is changed one must know tradition. US men and women are changing things at the expense of losing tradition. I like the “men have made a complete debacle out of things” comment and your superior attitude, that prety much shows were your head is at. Thats an anti-male thing right there, its part of the sick culture of the US. Other cultures have a lot of problems with us exporting our sick culture, hence you have airplanes being ran into buildings.
You inherent ditzing of your husband and your superior attitude apitomizes my point. I an tired of the male bashing no matter how ingrained it is to Gringas.
What children are likly to leave a door open, and they are dirty and smell, wow, I can’t be bothered. I have to fight the status Quo, on to bigger and better things!!
You don’t know what’s important, don’t feel bad the majority of the US doesn’t know either.
Diego, you need to lighten up a bit. It really sounds like you’ve had some terrible experiences with gringas. That’s unfortunate, because we’re really not such a bad lot. Despite the fact that my husband is a chef, I’m the one who does 99% of the cooking in our family. it’s not either a woman’s or a man’s job — I do it because it’s my passion. Yes, I have children — strong independent women with families AND a career. Women can do other things beside being a brood mare, especially since the last thing the world needs is MORE people. I guess in your world women should be in a chador or burkha. As for my superior attitude, well, guess who’s started all the wars I don’t believe in? And haven’t you ever wondered why there are only shelters for battered women and not men? Wife beating was once part of a tradition, and in some countries, it still is. Some traditions are good, others are antiquated and destructive, but thankfully, traditions change, even in a Latin culture. You might not like it, but some of those changes are here to stay.
Marivil, I don’t want to get off of the subject but want to point a misconception that the U.S. society has for example “And haven’t you ever wondered why there are only shelters for battered women and not men?”
I can tell you why we do not have battered shelters for men! First is the funding for women’s organizations out number the men’s organizations 4 to 1. Second is the social issue that men are stronger and more dominant that women and because of this cause more of a threat. Third because men don’t believe in reporting that they have been beaten up by a women or abused by them.
I have done some volunteer work for a men’s organization and believe me they have been abused as much as women, its just not reported.However lets stay on the topic, it is Costa Rica culture that we are talking about and how gringa’s might find it hard to date.
I think with the culture in the U.S. where we have to be educated in Social order every time we get a new job, such as classes of Discrimination, Cultural Diversity and sexual conduct. These will and have changed the U.S. culture. In the last 20 to 30 years, the tables have been changed for women in and out side of the work place. Women now are making the same amount of money and have the same right if not more than men. ( I know statistically that is not true, how ever statistics can be altered to fit the needs of a group. I have never seen a fed ex driver get paid more just because he is a man!)
Dating has change a lot! This is good and bad because this has created a barrier for some men to want to date a Gringa. Maybe they have had divorces where they feel used and abused or maybe they don’t want to feel like they are competing with feminism. In other cultures around the world like Costa Rica, women don’t have the same views as gringa! This does not make them weak or uneducated! Like my wife says she can get more done in a day with a pretty smile than hitting men over the head with feminism!
As Tico Gringo stated This is not to say that there are not intelligent and powerful women in Costa Rica, there are indeed! But they retain their feminine side proudly, with no social axe to grind with men. They generally think of feminism as anti-family.
My mother in-law will testify to the anti-family statement!
This might be a reason why many Gringos (a growing population) are going in search of a mate to other cultures! How ever it will be more difficult for a Gringa to except the cultural differences of a Tico. (they don’t have cultural diversity or discrimination classes in most companies in Costa Rica.).
Maravilla,
You need to get off your high horse, I wouldn’t want you to get a nose bleed. You remarks regarding battered men were way out of line and again illustrate my point of “hiding behind the skirt.” I know many men that have suffered the scares of being attacked by women but since the laws are slanted to protect the “weaker sex,” and due to antiquated bias, such as you have exhibited, they go unrecognized because has Scott has pointed out men do not report them.
Broodmare? Another one of you vailed hostilities toward tradition. Just like the guised comnnotations of “you are funny Diego.” I do not think any of this is funny, except maybe you point of view. Funny in the fact that this unatural “I an woman” thing has become main stream and seen as balanced, instead of extreme. Femanazism must end.
Regarding Gringa datig: The issue is much larger than a Gringa getting a date in CR. It is the crux of the terrorism problem (not oil) as the rest of the world does not want us to export or degenerate music, lifestyle and macho women.
Here we have the smartest most innovative country in the world with some of the hardest working peole and we have achived it at the expense of making women men. Its a shame. And as Scott so elequently points out, smart educated Ticas display their capabilities and still retain feminine qualities. Whcih is a turn on to me. Also I very much like the fact that many nice Tica women live with their famlies until they get married.
It would be easy to ahow chiverlary to such honorable people. There are very few Gringas I would open a door for. Open ou own doors if you want to exhibtthe masculine side of your self. You gringas could learn alot about femininity from Ticas and Columbianas and Brazilanias.
Diego I don’t think it is necessary to slam Gringos so generally. Why not a happy medium? A man can be a man and a woman can be a woman and we can respect and appreciate each others traits/genetic predispositions. Lets all just respect each other, these masculine and feminine traits you worship are only as “good” as the culture in which they have come from. Our northern society is more transparent than yours and woman who are beaten/abused can seek the protection of the law(no it’s not perfect). In many “muchisimo” cultures woman have no choice except to bear it(although there appears to be a growing women’s rights movement in C.R.) and stay in line. How many men in Latin countries feel it is alright that they have affairs, but what if the woman was bored with her man and went looking for something on the side? I think you know the answer to that…My girlfriend is a strong intelligent very beautiful woman, and she appreciates my masculine quality’s and romancing her etc…She would not be happy being told how to run her life, me having affairs, out with the boys with no regard to her etc..and I would not want to treat another human being as anything but my “equal”, and please don’t tell why we can not be equals; men are bigger, less emotional, fight all the wars etc…etc.. etc…Respect: that is the foundation of my point when you don’t have respect and equality then the door is open for all sorts of interpretations; Latinos are lazy, Jews are not trust worthy, blacks belong back in the jungle, whites are devils. This would sound ludicrous in a sane world but unfortunately many people think along these lines, because this is what they have been been told by parents, teachers society. By no means am I suggesting we live in a homogeneous world, I enjoy all the various cultures and when among other peoples try my best to respect there traditions. But the expectation of all humanity to be treated fairly and with respect is where I draw the line in the sand and that does not make me a sissy boy! Lol..
Diego I don’t think it is necessary to slam Gringos so generally. – I am not slamming Gringos, I am a Gringo! I am saying that disrespect among many Gringas toward Gringos it at a nauseating level. I am for a happy medium and respecting and appreciate each other’s traits/genetic predispositions. Gringas by the truckload are not doing this.
These masculine and feminine traits you worship are only as “good” as the culture in which they have come from.
Exactly, and the traditional American culture found in the heartland of the U.S. is still good. But the card carrying ACLU members, the Hollywood producers of mind numbing and horrifying movies that center relentlessly on either sex or violence has corrupted the culture. Did I mention rampant materialism and the lack of a parent in the home (Most homes have both parents working: why? So they can have more material items). How about driving older cars, going to the park instead of the amusement park on the weekends so preferably either mom (since she held the child for 9 month and bonded by breast feeding and nurturing for two years) or dad can stay home with the child.
Our northern society is more transparent than yours and woman who are beaten/abused can seek the protection of the law (no it’s not perfect). In many “muchisimo” cultures woman have no choice except to bear it(although there appears to be a growing women’s rights movement in C.R.) and stay in line.
Plenty of men suffer the same problem this is an antiquated argument a pro woman prejudiced belief.
How many men in Latin countries feel it is alright that they have affairs, but what if the woman was bored with her man and went looking for something on the side?
This happens all the time in the US.
I think you know the answer to that…My girlfriend is a strong intelligent very beautiful woman, and she appreciates my masculine quality’s and romancing her etc…She would not be happy being told how to run her life, me having affairs, out with the boys
Does you girlfriend think the same about you, if she does, you have a great relationship. My point is Gringo men have fallen into this goddess worshiping thing that all they care about is their woman and have no time for fellowship with other men. You know Gringa women want to keep men at home with then=m and going out with the boys is taboo. You see gangs of girls all dressed up for each other in US bars that all have boyfriends or husbands out on Saturday night. Face it the pants have changed. You sound like you have been a victim of feminization.
with no regard to her etc..and I would not want to treat another human being as anything but my “equal”, and please don’t tell why we can not be equals; men are bigger, less emotional, fight all the wars.
Wow you sure blow over that one like it was nothing, I dare say you have never been at war, that was spoken like a woman who has never been in war. Although war is not fashionable it was war that liberated Europe and bestowed us with the bill of rights and US constitution that our too tired from working two job so we can buy more culture is permitting these hard fought for rights to slip away. Why, so we can go buy a sports car to attract women, so we can keep the malls 90% filled with women’s clothes. Female vanity is completely unbalanced in the US period.
Also the racism card you use in no way applies to this cultural discussion. Its not about race, it’s about behavior.
Sorry, but you do sound kinda like a girly-man. BTW drawing the line by being treated fairly and with respect have been what these posts are all about and Gringa do not do that after all like Maravella’s post prove, the I am Woman superior mind set is well ingrained, as shown by you Lotus, which is kind of a feminine name for a man. Did not mean to insult, just making an observation.
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.
