My wife calls me a “9 year old 66’er.” I’m always curious and searching, full of questions, ideas and projects. So I rarely get bored.

But many who retire to Costa Rica find it “beyond beautiful” AND boring. “There’s nothing to do,” they complain. “No movie theaters, shopping malls, museums, or art galleries” (at least in the outlying areas). None of the “amenities” that made life rewarding back in…. Toronto? “It’s just a vast, boring expanse of green forests and a blue ocean. What was I thinking when I moved here?”

Engagement (the second of the P.E.R.M.A. happiness guidelines) is important to our overall life satisfaction. When we’re engaged, we’re fully alive. We’re living zestfully.

(The five P.E.R.M.A.s once again are: Positive emotions, Engagement, Relationships, Meaning, and Achievement.)

Everyone has had some experience of “being in the zone”, of being totally emersed in some activity. Time disappears. We forget about the clock and are amazed at how much time has just flown by. There are no problems or worries. No “world”. No “me AND the challenge.” We become one with that activity. We and life are at our best.

Professional musicians in the moment of creative ecstasy, sports stars making the winning score, and regular people in deep conversations, gardening, cooking, reading, listening to music or playing a sport can get “into the zone”.

But if life has become like “watching paint dry” or the “grass grow”, we feel dull, stuck, lifeless. How do we get unstuck? Become fully alive again? Surely a passionately engaged life is far superior to a passive, resigned, inert life.

I readily admit that if I was bored by life here, I’d want to escape the difficulties involved and return to the US. Why bother? The view’s great, but I need MUCH more than that. I need a LIFE!! A reason for being here. Something to passionately DO. Coming to CR in 2010, I quickly discovered that happiness is more than WHERE we live. It’s HOW we live there.

But how does one show the resolve to pick up and move to CR, then become bored living here?

We’re bored when there’s not enough challenging, stimulating, important things to do. Or when the task and its demands feel beyond our understanding and capabilities.

Boredom is basically a defense against under or over stimulation: too little or too much.

As in traffic school, where the instructor is repeating over and over what we already know well, (too little) we “tune out”. We defend our energy and attention from something way below our abilities that would waste those resources. And from a curriculum that insults our intelligence. (Does the DMV really think we’re this dumb??) Our bodies are present, but our minds are on things we WANT to do. Important things. Stimulating things.

And we are bored when we’re overwhelmed, like in that organic chemistry class (too much), we “tune out”, protecting our energy and ego from a task that is way beyond our ability to understand and carry out. Again, our body is in the seat, but our mind is on things we CAN do.

Could your boredom be the result of missing the challenges of life in El Norte? From understimulation? Many retire here planning to escape from the stresses of modern life. But they quickly discover, like I did, that we NEED to be involved, challenged, stretched to grow.

Are you going through “withdrawal” from the craziness of modern life, but inadvertently also forgetting the satisfying purpose that drove your frenetic activity? You CAN slow down AND still have a passion that keeps you alive and fulfilled.

Or do you fear that passion? Fear that it might drive you to exhaustion again, so you “tune” it out??

Leaving you bored and stagnant because the only options you allow yourself are the boring ones, way beneath your talents? Leaving yourself “too little”.

Others are so overwhelmed by the “tropical storm” of changes necessary to create a life here, that they “shut down” to prevent themselves from “drowning” in all those adjustments.Protecting themselves from overstimulation. NO ONE likes to feel inadequate, incompetent, or out of control. And navagating our way through the storm surge of language, laws, customs, culture, climate, finances and finding friends can make even Wonderwoman feel a bit intimidated.

What I’m suggesting is that boredom is something WE do in response to too much or too little.

For example, are you perhaps choosing safety and security over life and risk? Are you avoiding activities that might threaten your SENSE of competence, health, or intelligence? Do you avoid surfing lessons because you’re convinced “I could never do that. I’d just look ‘stupid’.” Feeling it’s “too much”?

Do you already feel so overwhelmed by the adjustment process, that you conclude “Why take on more-even if it could feel great-when I’ve already got so much on my plate?”

Have you decided that you’ll “play it safe for now. And WHEN all this stuff gets settled, THEN I’ll get involved”? When will it ever be then?

And do you ignore the hints and suggestions that life provides about where your engagement might be? Thinking “That looks like fun, but it’s not worth all the effort. It’s too little to bother with.” Denying yourself some source of engagement and satisfaction even if it’s small, brief and rare?

If you’re totally lacking in inspiring ideas for engagement, try these approaches:

Imagine that all risk is removed, failure is impossible and success in any activity you choose is guaranteed. What would you embrace? What would you get engaged in? Take away the risk, guarantee the rewards and what pops into your mind?

Observe your daily ups and downs of excitement. Unless you’re clinically depressed (more later), your excitement level rises and falls throughout the day. You’re not constantly bored. What “floats your boat”, “lights your fire”, “gets you going”? What energizes and enlivens you? Identify those interests and activities and do MORE of them. Get more deeply involved. Take some reasonable risks. If you still can’t get going….

Face your fears. No, not the big waves at Playa Pavonnes-just yet. But your FEELING of fear.

Ask yourself what exactly is the danger in joining the local theater group or weekly womens’ get together? What painful thing will happen if you try these things? Are you sure that danger is real? If so, ask yourself, how can I reduce that risk and make success and safety more likely? How can I make these activities work for me?

Some people are truly content with just taking it easy. If that’s you, don’t feel guilty about it. Your life is your choice.

But if you’re frequently bored, then something is wrong. Did you assume that Costa Rica would “do the rest” once you moved here? Did you assume that engaging activities would just come knocking on your door?

Furthermore, each of us has a “signature strength”, something that you are especially good at. Some skill where you have attained “mastery”. You may not be THE best. But you’re REAL GOOD. Those key strengths provided you with some of the most satisfying moments of your life. You were your best you.

Think of a tiger in a zoo, pacing obsessively. It’s given everything it needs: food water, shelter, a mate. Everything except the opportunity to exercise it’s signature strength-being a solitary, predatory TIGER. Have you rejected your “inner tiger”?

Have you neglected to look for opportunities to soar in your area of strength again? Or do you blow off the possibilities for such high level performance? You might say, “I was the project manager for the NASA shuttle program. Costa Rica doesn’t even have bottle rockets. WHERE could I find a chance to “shine” like that again?”

Excellent question. Yes! Where?

Take away those enormous rockets and their cosmic payloads and gargantuan budgets. What skills, talents, GIFTS enabled you to put men and women into space?

Identify those strengths and find ways to exercise them right here in little old CR! If you could put humans in space, you must be able to…..RIGHT? ALIGN more of your activities with opportunities to exercise those gifts. And watch your excitement take off and boredom be left behind.

If your problem is too much, break down all those tasks into manageable chunks. NASA didn’t land on man on the moon in one short burst of work. It painstakingly completed smaller tasks until it could “assemble” them into a triumphant whole: “One small step…” at a time.

These articles are my attempt to keep my “hand in the game” of my former profession, psychology. Share your thoughts with me about these ideas at

Next time, the R in P.E.R.M.A. and why relationships are the most important source of happiness-and the most frustrating aspect of our lives.

Future articles will focus on depression and how it differs from boredom.

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