Achievement Gap

How could someone who has achieved the pinnacle of their profession and who was so widely loved commit suicide?

Ending a life so filled with accomplishment, accolades, and admiration make little sense to those of us struggling to attain relatively ordinary goals. We imagine how profoundly happy we would be if we had an Oscar, earned millions, and were met with joy everywhere we went. Isn’t that the very definition the “good life”, the life we’d cherish and hold tightly to?

We’re taught to expect and we often see the rewards of great accomplishment. So we expect that someone who has “done it all”, who “had it all” would be happy and fulfilled-not suicidal. And that’s why the suicide of Robin Williams has so stunned and shocked us. His death goes against everything that we have been led to believe about the purpose of life and the sources of happiness. It just doesn’t make sense. Especially since he seemed so happy.

Could it be that our understanding of “achievement” is what doesn’t make sense? Maybe we need to re-examine our assumptions about the payoffs of accomplishment?

But wait! Isn’t Achievement one of the 5 P.E.R.M.A. happiness guidelines? Along with Positive emotions, Engagement, Relationships, Meaning, isn’t Achievement supposed to bring us happiness? What’s the straight scoop here?

Yes, indeed, achievement does give us many benefits that add to our happiness. But who said if we achieve, we’ll “have it all”?

The Advantages Of Achievement

Imagine never having achieved any of your key life goals. Sadly, that’s the life reality of some acquaintances. And that seriously “sucks”. If that were us, we’d feel “incompetent”, “inadequate”, a “failure”, a “loser”, a “zero”. And it’s almost impossible to be happy with our life when we’re so unhappy with ourselves.

The benefits of accomplishing our goals are many:

• we feel competent and capable because our efforts have produced the desired results
• those results probably improved our life practically (and maybe the lives of others) to some extent. And that feels good!
• we feel empowered. Our accomplishments say we aren’t helpless-we CAN influence our circumstances, we CAN meet our and others’ needs
• achievements leave us feeling that we’ve “made our mark” on life. Our accomplishments say “I was here and I mattered”
• we definitely enjoy the recognition and admiration accomplishment can bring
• and we feel that we didn’t “blow” our life. We didn’t “waste” our life, but we spent that precious time well

ALL of these payoffs can and usually do contribute to our overall sense of happiness.

The Limits Of Achievement

That’s obvious. But it’s harder to comprehend a supremely accomplished person being miserably unhappy. Why weren’t those accomplishments “enough”?

Sometimes we expect way too much from our achievements. We might think that after some important goal has been reached, we’ll then “have it all” and we can now “rest on our laurels”. We may be surprised to find such an “arrived” life crushingly boring. Without the drive to reach our goals, our life might lose momentum, lose a motivating energy and stop “dead in the water”, rather than feel complete. Without that hunger to reach our goals, we may feel there’s a huge “hole” where our aspirations, actions, struggles, and dreams had been. “What now?”, we may ask. “Is that all there is?”

And the disappointment can be greater if we believe that great accomplishments will elevate us to some “higher plane”, some “special realm” above the experience of normal people. We imagine that the rich and the famous and the accomplished are somehow liberated from daily concerns. They have more than enough money to never worry about their expenditures. They have “personal assistants” who pick up the dry cleaning and run out for bread and milk. But what do they do with all that extra time? Do they engage in high minded creative explorations? Commune with their muse? Attend parties with other in their blessed circle? Or sink into boredom when challenges disappear? (Think of those “idle rich” in shows like Downton Abbey.)

No person, no life is ever “complete” on this side of the great divide. We may have completed THESE objectives and fully enjoyed all the benefits. But do we ever really complete our need to contribute, to follow our curiosity, to step up to some challenge?

Without compelling, challenging goals, we may “drift” into a static place where we have no identity, no satisfying routine, no structure for our time and energy. It’s been asked “if I am what I do, WHO am I when I don’t?” Who am I if my entire identity comes from my efforts? Some of the blessings of great achievement may actually be a curse.

The Low Down On High Level Achievement

Accomplishments DO make us feel happy. Go for it! But we need to also not expect more from them than they can really deliver. Enjoy the benefits of reaching our destinations and also don’t neglect the satisfactions of that famous “journey” to our NEXT goals. While we’re still alive and lively, even a “Nobel” may not be enough. We’d probably think, “Well if I could do that, what else do I want to try? Do I really want to stop here?”

As far as why Robin Williams’ many, many achievements weren’t enough to make him want to continue to live, I can only guess.

It’s been reported that he had big money problems and difficulty sustaining a marriage. It also seems that he was developing severe health difficulties (maybe parkinson’s disease). He admitted to deep depression and drug and alcohol addiction. Maybe he had run out of creative energy. Maybe all those high energy performances exhausted him, burnt him out. He did, afterall, burn the candle at both ends and the middle. MAYBE he decided that no matter how great his past, his future could only be increasingly worse, unendurably worse.??? We’ll never know what it felt like to be him.

And we’ll never forget what it felt like to enjoy him.

The Lessons Of Robin’s Death

He blessed us with so much laughter and joy. Maybe his death can also be a gift?
The lesson that YOU take is completely up to you. Here are some things to consider:

• Be careful to not envy anyone or imagine (based on their outward appearances) that
  their life is “perfect.” We don’t usually know the price they paid to get to where they are-nor if we’d be willing to pay a similar price. What was NEGLECTED in other areas of their lives to give them the time for great accomplishments?

• No ONE goal reached, no matter how monumental, will protect us from future problems. Problems WILL arise no matter who we are, no matter what we’ve done. We may imagine that “If I won a Nobel, an Oscar, a Medal of Honor, I’d feel great for the rest of my life. I’d have it made…” REALLY??

So DO aspire to great heights and enjoy the climb to your personal summit. But don’t “put all your eggs into one basket”. Don’t neglect those other P.E.R.M.A. guidelines.

Next time: resolving conflicts with our significant other. Now there’s an achievement to strive for!

Your thoughts always matter.Reach me at:

Written by Tony Johnson is a retired university mental health center psychologist. He has lived, learned and enlarged his happiness in the Costa Ballena for over three years. He has the curiosity of a coati about all things life! These articles are his best shot at answering those “Life Questions”. Hopefully, you will find them informative and useful.

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Andrew Makarik

to@welovecostarica.com

Andrew Makarik is the main editor of WeLoveCostaRica, a fan of this sunny country. He is also a loving husband and a has a lovely daughter. By being a devoted family man and the biggest Costa Rica fan, he wants to make more people feel at home there. WeLoveCostaRica unites people and helps them find new home or a new travel destination. This website is a friendly community where everyone can find not only information, but also new friends and travel pals. Andrew is also passionate about IT and programming, so he himself maintains a friendly atmosphere in this cozy environment of WeLoveCostaRica.com.