Even though I love my life in Costa Rica, there’s one big gaping hole – I have no one to date. I am attractive with a petite body, yet I can’t find a suitable man to ask me out.

I am not alone in this situation. My single gringa and Tica women friends in their 40s, 50s and 60s have the same lament. The lack of datable men is a leading reason why single gringas move back to their countries or onward to different locations.

I know two women who are leaving Costa Rica for Buenos Aires, Argentina – land of European transplants, culture, and the tango. Actually, I have a U.S. friend who moved to Buenos Aires in 1998 who has a similar complaint: There are men to date there, but they lack the staying-power qualities of fidelity, honesty and respect for women that are necessary in a long-term relationship.

I realize that the older we get, the more set in our ways we become. That’s true for both women and men. It’s more difficult to make a relationship work unless you loosen up on the expectations. My complaint isn’t about making a relationship work, though – that would be step two. Step one is finding eligible men to date.

Generally speaking, the single gringo men who come to Costa Rica are looking for young Tica women. I realize how ignorant and biased a general statement can sound, but this one is based on considerable research and observation.

These Ticas tend to be very attractive and have been brought up to treat men as gods (another general statement that is true in my experience). These women don’t think of themselves as independent thinkers with aspirations for personal or career growth. They want to marry wealthy men (even poor gringo men are viewed as wealthy), and secure their futures by having babies. Procreating is what they’ve been trained to do.

So looking to date a gringo male in Costa Rica is mostly a futile attempt. While there are exceptions, I have found that most gringo males don’t even realize that there is a population of gringa women here. The typical gringo men who make the move to a foreign country just don’t consider that gringa women could have the same kind of courage and wanderlust that prompted their move.

Personally, I would love to date a Latino man, whether he’s originally from Costa Rica or from any other Spanish-speaking country. Learning language from each other could be fun, as could learning about other cultural aspects. But the same question remains: Where are the eligible Latinos?

I’ve tried bars, endured karaoke renditions of “Escúchame,” and frequented dance halls with only a couple of invitations to dance. I’ve been taking Latin dance lessons to improve my chances of finding a lively Latino. I went on a nature walk. I’ve spent leisurely hours at cafés, looking desirable and approachable.

What I’m realizing is that people here socialize within their groups. If a group goes out at night, all the members stay in that group, making it just about impossible to meet someone new without a proper introduction. I have broadcast to all my Latino and gringo friends that I am looking to date, but they claim to know no one for me.

When I moved down here I left a 17-year marriage, and getting into another relationship was the last thing on my mind. But now that I’ve been here and gotten on with my life, I want to date again. I’ve had three dates in 13 months. While two of the guys didn’t float my boat, I liked the one who is Tico. We got along great but he moved to Guanacaste and I didn’t want to carry on a long-distance relationship, plus language was too much of a barrier at that time.

I don’t know that things would be any different in the US, probably not in my former home of Florida where women way outnumber men. Part of my problem is that I look, act and feel at least 10 years younger than I am. My Tico was 40 to my 55, yet age didn’t matter to either of us. I’ve noticed that Ticos in their 20s and 30s are attracted to me, but they’re the age of my stepsons, and I’ve got to draw the line somewhere.

What other lines have I drawn? I’ve made a shopping list for a suitable date and posted it at a few online dating services. Responses have been disappointing, I think because of my age and not because of the type of guy I’m looking for. Here is my ideal date:

1. Single
2. Age 48-64
3. 5’9″ or shorter
4. Self-confident
5. Talks, listens, shows empathy
6. Trim
7. Nonsmoker

With any luck, he’ll also be intelligent, have a sense of humor, and will take me dancing, but I’m willing to compromise on these aspects.

So what’s a single, desirable woman to do? Well, until my next date, which by the law of averages should be in about three months, I’ll continue enjoying my time with my female friends. Fortunately, I have no shortage of those.

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Written by Margie Davis – Retirement Advisor for Women in Costa Rica.

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Andrew Makarik

to@welovecostarica.com

Andrew Makarik is the main editor of WeLoveCostaRica, a fan of this sunny country. He is also a loving husband and a has a lovely daughter. By being a devoted family man and the biggest Costa Rica fan, he wants to make more people feel at home there. WeLoveCostaRica unites people and helps them find new home or a new travel destination. This website is a friendly community where everyone can find not only information, but also new friends and travel pals. Andrew is also passionate about IT and programming, so he himself maintains a friendly atmosphere in this cozy environment of WeLoveCostaRica.com.