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The thought police are here in the US in full force, making us all think twice about complimenting anyone. The days of chivalry are gone I’m afraid, never to return. Men feel constrained in every effort to make a woman feel like what a woman used to feel like. Women and men are equal in their status as people, but there are still differences. The gender neutralizing that has gone on has led to women being inhibited to act as women did before, and men being something other than men had been. Not wanting to say the caveman attitude of dragging a woman off was the way it should be, but men should still be allowed to feel secure being masculine and women should be comfortable being feminine.
It is refreshing that some of the women here still have a feminine identity and don’t regard a man’s complimenting them as harassment.
I salute you women who still enjoy being a female and you men who still will hold a door for a lady.Edited on Jun 03, 2007 09:53
Wow! This is very interesting. I am agreeing with maravilla. The feminists are to blame. Does any body know why women don’t wear dresses and skirts more often? And why do little girls wear t-shirts that say “Girls Rule.” Meanwhile, you have this other fashion thing going on where women are wearing these pants that are cut right over the pubic line exposing their midriff. Most of them have no business doing this. I never realized how unattractive so many midriffs can be.
Edited on Jun 03, 2007 15:39
I never understood all that radical feminism. I never burned my bra and always wondered why other women felt compelled to take such drastic measures to gain equality. I’ve always been an independent, free-thinking girl/woman/old broad and did whatever I wanted to do career-wise, and never ever came up against the prejudices/discrimination other women complain about in the workplace. I think part of my success was because I never used my feminity to get ahead. Yes, the thought police are busy neutralizing our sexuality, turning us all into I don’t know what anymore. My husband is a very chivalrous person. He always holds the doors for me and helps me with my coat, but he hates ordering in restaurants, so he lets me do it (I don’t like doing it and wish he would but he won’t so if I want to eat. . . ). Thankfully, we don’t have any clearly defined male/female roles in our marriage — we each do what we can to make the other person’s life easier regardless if that task is defined by the thought police as “male” or “female.” Maybe part of the draw of Costa Rica for me was that women ARE allowed to be women there and men do their man thing, whether it’s whistling, or paying acompliment. And of course, all of this harks back to that ridiculous animated cartoon about the man who tells the woman he likes her dress and then gets beaten over the head for it. Oh, what a whacky world we live in. (And Roark? There are some women whose body parts should never be exhibited in public! LOL)
I am an american male married to a latina for 25 years now. I live in Miami and this city is a latin city. It is my impression that generally speaking, latin males here have adapted to our cultural preference regarding gender interaction in public here in Miami. There is still a bit of the latin male bravado, though, and part of the latin culture of “piropos” involves also some very negative aspects. Insane male jealousy and other negatives of machoism far out weigh any other consideration. The latin male ego is a very delicate thing and easily bruised. I intend to stick with my anglo saxon cultural instincts and stay clear of public flirtation. Unless you have romantic intentions, their are other, better ways to positively interact with women the public arena.
Ha! My old home town many years ago…actually it was Westerville, Ohio.
Ohio weather “inspired” me to move further south….much further. :-}Edited on Jun 03, 2007 11:03
Edited on Jun 03, 2007 11:05
Maravilla, It sounds like you have a happy marriage and both compliment each other. Clearly defined roles in today’s society can sow the seeds of discord in a marraige. A marriage of give and take and being tolerant of each others faults and shortcomings will go a long wy towards a happier marraige. Most people now find it more difficult to even make the commitment of marraige. Some psychologists say to put it off until the age of 30 and better yet 40. I don’t think we’ve fostered a society that puts much value on making things work for the long term. It lets us do our thing and our partners sometimes seem to be left out of the mix. Not to say that there are not some marraiges that should never be.
My wife and I will be married 30 years in two days and we got hitched at 21 years old. It wasn’t always easy and we’ve had our rough times and our great ones. Through it all, We still want to grow old together…At least we have something to look forward to.Men don’t have a monopoly on the frustration of today’s roles for men and women. I just read an article in one of those for-the-over-40-woman magazines that addressed the issue of American culture vs. Latin culture and the role of older women in those societies. . . and then I started thinking about Diego’s comments, and realized that there were things about Tico society that I hadn’t really thought deeply about, namely how it makes me feel as a woman of a certain age to live in a Latin culture where age and wisdom are revered. In America I am effectively over the hill, so to speak, because men my age are all looking for that much younger woman who wears a size 2 and has 38DD silicon breasts. She might be a complete airhead, but that doesn’t matter. Looks reign and more importantly, youth reigns, but what about us women who ARE over 40, maybe even over 50, what are we supposed to do? It’s a non-issue for me because I am married, but if I weren’t, I would certainly not be in the running for a mate close to my age here in America. I’m too old. But in Costa Rica, or Mexico, where I’ve also lived, men of all ages still find me attractive. Even my husband commented one day that when I go to town in Costa Rica, I get dressed properly, put on make-up, and try to look my best. Part of that is making a good impression as a foreigner in my adopted country, and the other part is that men still admire me, even if he did have to hoist his decrepit bod out of the rocking chair to hobble to the railing to tell me I was a fine looking woman. Then there’s the 30-something bank manager who always kisses me hello, the bank guard who calls me mi amor, and my 33-year old maestro de obra who tells me that he wants to learn English so he can better communicate with his gringo clients. I tell him that he can practice his English with me, so the very next day when I see him he greets me with his newly learned English which is, “Good morning, I love you!” My contractor refers to me as Dona and blushes when I call him mi amor. I could cite a dozen other incidents, but the bottomline is that it does feel good to be admired just for being a woman. And maybe THAT’s why I’m so happy in Costa Rica.
To answer your question dear Diego, I DO appreciate it when USA (or other) men express their admiration of me. I always respond with a sincere thank you and huge smile or wave. It just happens a lot more freely in central america than it does in USA. Men in the US are usually so surprised by my response that they are rendered speechless and I don’t have to worry about “harassment”. Diego, i hope you didn’t think I didn’t appreciate that you started this post by pointing out your minor spelling error. Obviously, my positive response about why I love CR should indicate that I was pleased you created that subject. Do you need a thank you on a hand engraved stationary? 😉
Peace and love,
DarcyYes, I suppose we do have a great marriage as marriages go. We’ve had our ups and downs but we’ve been together for 17 years and we decided a long time ago that we would weather whatever came our way. No relationship is perfect. He drives me nutz, but then he’s Italian and still stuck in many of the habits he had from growing up in Europe. But for the most part we are compatible. We’ve worked together for more than 15 years so if a marriage can survive 5 different restaurants and numerous other ventures, that’s saying something!!
No wonder you’ve had a great marriage…He’s Italian! Now I know why I enjoy reading your comments. It’s because of the tremendous influence he’s had on you. LOL
All kidding aside, you are one funny and classy lady, if I may say so.Well well well, an Italian fest. Count me in. Half from Milan, quarter Florence and a quarter Sicily. I guess that about covers the boot eh? A great ehtnicity that can be a real pain in the posterior – as my posts well illustrate.
Maybe THAT’s why you remind me of my husband! LOL He’s from Lago di Como. And a real handful, I might add. Once the typical bad bad bad boy who has now been tamed, well, sort of! As IF that is even possible! Sure makes life interesting though.
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