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I work in the cruise ship industry. I work a number of months and then get 4 months off to travel the world. I am planning to arrive in Costa Rica in February.
My main goal is to find a wonderful woman. NO, this is not a sex vacation. I have many CF friends on cruise ships and have been exposed to some advantages to marrying the Costa Rica female.
I’m 42 and attractive. I have lived in Mexico and South Africa for a year at a time. I”m not new to the expat thing.
I guess my main question would be what location should I go to in hopes of finding a good woman that I might we able to some day marry?
Are certain areas better for that? I want to stay away from the sex tourism areas, but I imagine there could be some geographical overlap.
Anyway, I appreciate any help you can provide.
Finding a “wonderful woman” is an admirable goal and having lived here for 12 years, there’s no doubt in my mind that you’ll find someone special ..
Having met a few of the people involved in the “business” of dating in Costa Rica, I would avoid the “dating agencies”…
No doubt some of the gals are lovely but, there’s a good percentage of the ladies who used to be “professional companions” if you know what I mean …
If you make it known to the people you meet in Costa Rica that you are looking for your future wife, you might be surprised at how helpful they can be with introductions…
Supposedly there’s a shortage of women in San Isidro de General because quite a few families have had historically had good connections with the U.S. and many of the men have travelled there to work leaving their families behind…
Having said that, I don’t know if any woman wants her husband to be gone for four months and then back for four months and we should also note that the level of fidelity amongst supposedly committed Ticos is not high.
Unfortunately (and fortunately) I still seem to meet wonderful women here in normal, day-to-day situations however, I have been with my gal for 9 years now and met her in the shoe store her family owned in Multiplaza (Escazu) at that time…
The Timberland boots I bought in her store fell to pieces in about a year but she’s still going strong 🙂
Good luck with your search and let us know how you get on ….
Scott
Scott,
Thanks for your reply and advice.
I would not be leaving a wife for 4 months. I would be taking any serious relationship on a cruise ship with me. It’s a HUGE perk of my job… my better half (Girlfriend or wife) can come with me if I so choose.
My point was that after I finish this trip, I’ll be off for months and plan on using that time to come to Costa Rica to see if I’d enjoy living there in my off time and to find that special gal.
My first inclination was San Jose, since it seems to be the largest area and I’d suspect would have the highest concentration of single women to meet. If that is a bad idea, I’d love more advice.
mmag
[b]Love!!!![/b]
what a great topic 🙂
I would agree with Scott avoid the dating agencies.
being 42 is a great age because mature men are an asset here and younger women find this attractive being perceived as stable.
question
do you speak Spanish?
if you speak Spanish.. excellent. will make your journey much more enjoyable and fulfilling.
if you do NOT speak Spanish ( learn) this in my opinion will make this much more difficult.
you see as we stumble thru life’s adventures. we start to develop our own mojo for lack of a better word
and a significant chunk of that mojo comes thru communication. the art of expression.
things that we soon take for granted.
but sure enough the importance of this is revealed when we meet someone and cannot communicate with them aside from
1.) translation and body language
2.) sex ( a universal language)
which is ok initially but really dampens the building of the relationship. if this makes any sense.
then we lose that mojo fumbling for those special words of meaning.
you could always find someone that speaks spanish here which is good.
I would stay away from san jose and explore the more suburban neighborhood provinces.
like Cartago and heredia. near the large malls
Terra mall and the newest mall which will be opening soon.
paseo de flores mall
where there are tons of fashion stores like tommy hilfinger, hugo boss,carrion, etc. and these stores always attract the lovely ladies
these will be excellent areas to begin.
I will always remember an episode of “Happy days”
am I showing my age lol
when Fonzie ( henry winkler) was showing richie cunnignham ( ron howard) how to pick up chicks in the supermarket buy bumping his food cart into another girls by mistake.
I actually tried this once in automercado.:lol::lol::lol:
BUT I have to warn you.
latin women are truly intoxicating.
I have traveled the world and stayed single all my life and one day I came here for vacation 15 years ago
and now I have 4 kids and a beautiful wife of 10 years whom I am so in love.
enjoy the experience
david
OK, I usually sustain form making snarky comments (untrue) but I have to be the first to say that it is very amusing (although not really) to see that so far the consensus for finding these prized woman to marry is to go trolling for them at places that sell stuff. I can’t argue as to whether or not it works, but man, this subject is very “commodious” (word made up just now with a root in the word “commodity”)I mean, go for it guys, but I just had to say…….
pranaspakeywest
delete post
sorry to have engaged you. no time or desire to
all is great and wonderful in the world
thanks
“the point is identifying a natural environment where the initial resistance are down and making the exchange as normal as possible.
in the end to each is own.”
OK, not sure what I’m being drawn into here, but I’m game.
So, I take it we’ve moved from “shopping” references to hunting references, right?
I have to say that I am not the best “dater” on the planet, but when my plan includes phrases such as where I need to establish an environment where their resistance is down, then well good sir, we are very out of my ballpark….uh shopping mall…..uh shooting range……what were we doing again? Oh yea, finding our soul partners.Are you a wife hunter or a life hunter? I would advise being a life hunter, that is going on with your life and letting it take you into situation where you would normally be anyways. Why? Because that is where you will find women with which you have things in common.
Hey if you are into Yoga keep building that part of your life… you may find a fellow yoga enthusiast, If you are into women’s clothing go to a women’s clothing store (hey, did that come out right?). If you are into surfing… well the beach. Health food? The organic feria… etc etc…
If you go wife hunting, you will start rationalizing like the mall thing…. Then if you don’t find anybody that day of hunting you have basically wasted your time. So use your time to do what you like to do and see what comes along. If nothing comes along then you still did what you normally would have done and advanced your agenda 9whatever that may be).
The Spanish thing is super important, especially if there is a significant age gap. In my observation women here seem less into the soul mate thing and are more into solid nut and bolt relationships (more for function and less for idyllic intuitive love). Compared to the states, and of course generally speaking, they will want to spend much more time with their families. This is good because you are not looked at as the only source of companionship. The culture gap is huge here. Costa Rica has a peculiar set of customary behaviors and you should first understand them before marrying someone here.
Remember you are marrying the culture as much as or more than marrying the person. Also as much as anywhere and even more so, you are marrying the family as well. So get to know the culture and family.
well, here is where i finally agree 100% with 2bncr. (jajaja) shopping for a wife as though you are buying a washing machine is pretty sad. you need to hear some of the horror stories about men who just saw the beautiful latina and then got fleeced of everything he owned, after of course, he supported her parents, uncles, grandparents, step-children, and derelict hermanos. if you don’t speak fluent spanish, and your potential wife doesn’t speak fluent english, you have a huge problem. bigger than huge. women are not commodities, and if you’re thinking of “acquiring” one, she is also probably thinking of how to liberate you of some of your assets. and if she is of child bearing age, getting pregnant immediately is a slam dunk retirement plan, and there will be no running back to the US and leaving a costa rican baby behind. if she’s really smart she will get your passport frozen and you ain’t leaving the country until you’ve paid thousands of dollars in support. just don’t rush into anything. you have no idea what you’re dealing with here, or the consequences you might face.
2bncr,
That is good advice about cultures.
Also, I have lived outside the US for years… in Mexico, South Africa and Japan. I have traveled to over 120 countries as well. I am not the typical close minded American that is not used to different cultures. Nor am I wife hunting.
Having said that, you do have to put yourself out there in order to find a wife….which is the purpose of my questions. I do not intend to buy a washing machine.
Do you have an age range?
Do you speak Spanish?
What are the advantages of marrying a Tica anyways? I am curious about your perception about that?Did you mean the advantage of marrying non-American women?
I wholeheartedly agree.
Generally speaking I have found American women to be the least feminine acting and some of the meanest women I have ever met (not all of course). They are into being “strong like a man” and want to parade around their dominance by making men look foolish and inept, you know bring them down to their level.
They have endless opinions about things of which they know nothing about and are now being brain washed by the media to think men are useless.
A woman was named CEO of Yahoo, and she said she was not a feminist and the “penis envy” crowd jumped all over her because she began talking about interior decorating and motherhood – quite the sin for a woman to commit eh? You won’t find that in CR but the feminist extremist from the US are here spreading their poison veiled as liberation when it’s really anti motherhood, anti family and anti male.
Latin women (for the most part) respect men. They are not mouthy to men and arrogant like their American counterparts who think because a man would not physically strike them in the street for what a man would physically strike another man for saying, that they can say anything, and typically do.
For the most part, Latin women enjoy being women, and feel no need to act as men and compete with men. That is nice.
Now if you are claiming those advantages to marrying a Tica I agree.
However, Costa Ricans are much less sophisticated than let’s say south American Latinas – so the desirable ones to me are those that are architects and other professionals. However, there are some wonderfully kind and soft women that are working in factories and schools that make great wives, as long as you understand their social mores (customary behaviors).
Let me give you some examples
American men have been indoctrinated to worship their women. It’s all about pleasing them in bed, with gifts and remembering this and that, it’s a trite game of “gotcha” designed to make men effeminate and controllable.
If you start acting like that, most Ticas get bored with you quickly. They have been raised to earn your affection. If you just give it to them, there is no chase and they get confused. Seriously. I have been here quite a while and that is the truth.
American women hate this about Ticas. They feel threatened by Ticas. Have you ever seen an American woman friends with a Tica (I am not talking old women), but I have never seen an American woman that lives here hanging out with a Tica? They are intimidated by them and for good reason. Ticas know how to seduce men with femininity and kindness. Example: a Tica can go to a Ropa Americana store (used clothing) and walk out looking sexy by combining used clothes! American women walk around in baggy pants looking like they just finished a trek in the mountains. Basically they dress like men. Nothing feminine there.
With a sincere voice, you say to a Tica 20 years younger, “wow, you are so beautiful!” And she shyly says “thank you.” In the US, you would be scorned. Vilified. Made out to be a pervert for a compliment. Ticas exude their femininity by being gracious in acknowledging the compliment. That is kindness. A kind thank you for a kind compliment. American women are so full of themselves that the art of being kind to men has long been lost. They are basically mean and the word “bitch” has become a proud title to many women. They even affectionately refer to each other as that.
Another thing: Ticas and Ticos do not have a reputation for fidelity (generally speaking again). Married women have affairs here. Oh yeah. Men are legendary for having affairs and women assume this. So if you are a faithful man – you will not be treated like one. Ticas, for the most part do not think, but believe that all men in their prime cheat. Many don’t care really, as long as their husband does not leave them. This is what I meant by some of the nuts and bolts traits of a relationship. They want the man at home on Saturdays and Sundays, the paycheck coming in etc etc. So if their 38 year old husband is “conquering” an 18 to 25 year old on the side it’s to be expected. They call it street competition.
This is a very sensual and sexy society. Sex matters here. So if it takes husbands and wives (though not as much) having affairs to keep the sex fresh within the couples, then so be it. However, this is all done discreetly. American women hate this about the Tica culture; that they accept their men having affairs. American women also hate that prostitution is legal here. American women want a monopoly on sex, and prostitution breaks that monopoly, that manipulation tool they wield so unnaturally and harshly.
“Arrangements” here are common with foreigners and upper middle class Ticos. These are sometimes affectionate relationships (and sometimes purely sexual) where men and women meet for a couple of hours for pay. I have known men to have these arrangements with a set of women (usually two or three) that have lasted years. I have seen these women clean their houses and shop for them as well. Even take care of them in their old age. These women have their boyfriends but I have seen the arrangements relationships outlast the relationships they have with the Tico fathers of their children.
So the arrangement spouse is helping to support the family, as much or even more at times than the biological father of the child.
This drives American women nuts. How could these Tica do this when they could be fleecing them through divorce and live in the old codgers house with their new boyfriend! Don’t they know their street value?
American men love these relationships. Often times they are their primary relationships. Other times they may have an older Tica they date and maybe live with while they keep their playmates. There is a myriad of colors in that rainbow.
So these are an example of only some of the customary behaviors here that you will find once you penetrate the surface of society here. It takes a longtime to understand what goes on here, and if you do not live here and do not speak Spanish, you may never understand customary social behaviors here.
If you do not believe me, then cruise through the Motel Eden. The busiest time is during the day when spouses are apart from each other! These are very discrete hotels in which you drive into a garage, the door closes, you enter a luxuary room with spa and steam showers, king bed, etc, and open a dumb waiter and deposit your money. The dumb waiter comes back with towels and condoms. You never see another person. When you leave the room after an hour or so, you cannot reenter. It is then cleaned for the next client. It’s designed for mostly people having affairs. I have never counted the small townhouse style rooms but I bet there is about 100 of them. Let’s say they turn over 12 times a day on average. Do the math. So you see that sex is very important here.
There is also an interesting side to legal prostitution in that just knowing that sex is available, when you want it, makes men less needy and therefore not as easy to manipulate by their wives. It keeps the wives honest by breaking their sexual monopoly. But it also decreases men’s preoccupation for sex – as in wanting what you can’t have.
Men know they can have sex here easily so they don’t want it as much as a man dependent solely on his wife or girlfriend for sex. American women hate that variable. Ticas factor that into the equation and withholding sex from their man is a great way to get him to go get it somewhere else. Quite the boomerang effect from what American women are used to…. (this is where the smiley face goes!).
American women prefer to make their men weak and needy by withholding sex (not all of them but I would venture to say that most do). They do it to get what they want (I call it veiled prostitution). They can actually be prostitutes within their marriage – and have a monopoly on their men! Convenient no? Then their men get it somewhere else and the wife divorces him for cheating (gee I wonder why he was cheating?). What a racket.
That does not fly here. Sorry Gringas. That is why you see very few Gringas married to Ticos and if you do, you see that the Gringa understands the rules of the game and that requires using respect, sweetness and sex to keep her man happy. To me when it comes to partners, “Gringas need not apply.”
For beauty and kindness there is nothing like Latians (Colombianas and Brazilenas being at the top of the list (mate wise I would prefer a Brazilena – but if you are looking for pure beauty and passion – nothing like a Colombiana (ars gratis artis!)… However, you have to be able to understand the explosiveness because they are very passionate and extremely feminine. They like to vent. And they like to see you get passionate as well – far more than any other Latinas I have met). So if you cannot handle venting especially from the younger ones, then you might want an Asian woman. After all you gotta have fuel if you want fire….
So like my Tico buddy says, “You can’t taste the soup when it’s hot! You gotta let it cool down.” If you are mature about it and do not engage (a must), then when it cools down it is usually followed with an apology and great times… if you know what I mean. It can be great foreplay but it takes getting used to. It’s too crazy for most Gringos especially if they do not speak Spanish and do not understand the culture… Even the upper middle class Latinas that appear cultured vent, less when they are older… so be aware of that. It can be a deal breaker for some guys. I have gotten so used to it and am so apart from it that I find it amusing. Almost cute, but you have to keep a straight face… (hahahaha to them it serious (in the moment at least).
Again all of this is according to my experience and could be considered a generalization. Good luck! You are going to need it!
And watch out what you wish for!
As you might get it!
How about just living here for a while, and when the right woman comes along, start a relationship ?
One advice, if the relationship should be long term and stable, and real love should be involved, find a woman in your age !!
Thanks forthe compliment…
“One advice, if the relationship should be long term and stable, and real love should be involved, find a woman in your age !!”
You have to consider the source of that advice.
This is exactly what I mean when I speak of American women and their concept of love.
“real love”
“woman your age”
Well you are being optimistic (put gently) if you think men are going to find some utopian true love, soul-mate, chick-flick love in Costa Rica especially with a Tica. Is that your real love definition?
So I guess real love does not exist with anyone not your own age. “Your own age” – what the heck does that mean anyways? Emotional IQ, maturity, intellectual age, physical age? There are so many variables, but as I say Western women have opinions on everything… even though they have no knowledge about the subject, except they do not like to feel threatened by a man with a woman 15 years his junior pawing affectionately on his arm. Drives them nuts! Aw how they judge…
CS Lewis describes this set of Loves in his classic book The Four Loves: Need Love, Gift Love, Erotic Love and Friendship Love.
Gringas may think that “real love” might consist of all four loves.
Of course a gringa would never admit that real love could exist with a woman 15 year younger, 20 years younger, 30 years younger because one partner feels erotic love and the other feels need love. Need love is not real love! Yeah right. Ever walked in 90 degree heat for several hours without water? You actually love water, why cause you need it. Oh I’d love a glass of water!” need love is real love, be it a galss of water or a house to live in and a spouse that fulfills your needs.
Gringas have a utopian view of love, idealistic, even, politically correct but usually passionless (ideally no, but practically yes).
Finding someone you admire so much that you want to give them gifts to enable them to continue their efforts – is Gift Love.
Finding someone that you need to help you with things and provide for you- is Need Love.
Finding someone that infatuates you when you watch them walk – That is Erotic Love.
Sometimes people want someone their own age for friendship because they can relate to their vision of the world. That is friendship Love.
Freindship love among couples is like those types you see on the Cyalis commercials… Metro male, wife and husband wear matching garments he probably carries a man purse, etc…
If friendship is your criterion, why marry someone who is a foreigner? Their vision and experience will be very different from yours – and then there is the native tongue difference. I mean the cultural divide is huge. So marrying for the friendship love that sustains usually sexless relationships here will probably be very hard if not impossible to find.
If you are looking for a partner for a deep friendship bond based on cultural norms and discussing the amusing aspects of it, it is not going to happen unless you have lived here a long time and speak Spanish.
So if you are not here to find someone that can relate to your American jokes and stories, rag on Tico culture and how backwards everything is, as you and a gringa of your age could, then what are you here for?
That leaves need love, gift love and erotic love.
Average Ticos may couple up for Need Love. It’s a matter of making two ends meet. They may also couple up for erotic love, that is until the wife lets herself go and puts on 50 pounds… Gift love? Not so much. It’s a much more evolved form of love. Selfless.
But you are not a Tico… You are a gringo looking for a foreign mate. No? Emphasis on “foreign.”
Next is Gift love, well this takes all kinds of shapes. You could admire the way a woman cares for her child and gift here in appreciation of that. Or you could find a Tica dedicated to excellence in her endeavors and gift her according to that. Some men come down here to admire women well endowed with physical beauty and gift in appreciation of that! jajaja.. Seriously though, gift love is important because it means you are taking time to appreciate. Admiration is a healthy outlook on life and appreciation may be the highest form of human consciousness.
Erotic love? In that case, you best find someone that keeps her shape. That means start young if you are thinking about the long run.
Well. It’s complicated no?… are we any closer to understanding what real love is, except as one gringa put it, “someone your age.”
This has to do with the gringa idea that men and women should be soulmates and do everything together, you now practically share each other’s clothes, it’s a basic progressive move towards gender blur.
In Costa Rica gender difference are alive and well. So if you are looking for a woman to mow the grass, wear man clothes, and chew out the gardener and protect your home from burglars by wielding a shotgun – best look in the US.. lot of tough women up there…
However if you are looking for a woman that wants you to lead the family, wants to be part of your vision, is not interested in demonstrating how tough she is, a woman that dresses up for you rather than her girlfriends, and wants to take care of the kids, cooks and makes the home nice for her family, plus pays attention to her man by being attentive (was that a good choice of words?), then a Latina may be the way to go.
She won’t expect you to share your feelings about the daily grind of work. To the contrary that would make you less attractive. She will not accompany you to the bar on Friday night with your friends, or want to join the beer circle in the rancho with the guys on Saturday afternoon. Also, she will not want you to sit on the patio wither mother and cousins or go to the store to buy groceries or the mall to shop during the week. She will want to gab and gossip and you are unwelcome here.
She will want to go see her parents frequently and hang with her sister and cousins, go to art classes or English classes do errands and shop. She will want to go the movies with the kids, help with school functions, take the kids to events and attend every birthday family her and her family and friends have.
Ok – I am generalizing again.
So where does this fit into the four loves?
If you can appreciate all the traditional feminine roles she plays, and from the start do not try to impress her with flowers and Gifts Love all the times just because she has curves, then you will see a healthy relationship.
Need love: if she is single and wants to have a family and be accepted among her peers she needs a strong provider. This is important and you should not overlook this and take all you provide as a given, That is a gringa play. You are the man you pay for everything, that is normal, nothing special, you get no recognition for that in gringalandia! “Where is the new jewelry? I want more clothes? I think I want a breast enlargement, they Jones just bought a new car!”
That is not gonna happen here unless you want nuvo riche Tica. Good luck. Ticos are about as good at being reasonable with displaying their status as Ticas are displaying their assets (good for us men – terrible for gringas!).
So need love is a good thing, But do not rush to fill all her needs because she is your soul mate and you can tell her anything kinda barf logic.. That’s a chick flick play. Ticas don’t appreciate that here. Make her earn the fulfillment of her needs. Don’t confuse gift love and need love.
And friendship love. What one gringa calls real love! Well well.
Now friendship love is one of my favorite loves. But in my experience she or you will not look to each other for a huge amount of friendship love. She will be there in the clutch but the day to day fulfillment of friendship love will be found elsewhere – that is a good thing!
Masculine and feminine have little in common, except the bed.
There I said it. So all you politically correct man wusys that have spent you life trying to find common ground with the soul mate can cringe now.
You women that have spent your time molding your man into your gal pal or have busied yourself trying to be a drinking buddy but somehow just can’t seem to cut it when your man comments on how a certain posterior defies the laws of gravity, well go ahead and cringe as well.
Men need to hang with men. Women need to hang with women. Latinas understand this and want to hang with women and they don’t want you gawking at their friends or trying to join the group.
A typical gringa will cringe when you want to have guy time and will try to drive a wedge into you best guy friend relationships.
They want to be the source of everything! They want all you affection, admiration, and gifts plus you are to fulfill all their needs – automatically, I mean come on guys – it’s a given right! You cannot even think an erotic thought that does not concern them… no?
So, what is real love?
Depends who you are and what you want.
Two people struggling to carve out a living and need each other. That is need love. Real love. One with youth and beauty that needs another with experience and wealth, That is need love. One needs youth and beauty the other needs experience and wealth. Real love.
A couple walking out of church hand in hand on Sunday afternoon sitting in the park watching the people go by, That is friendship love, real love.
A woman meeting her man at the door with a kiss and a drink, giving her time and attention to him alone and asking if he is thirsty or hungry or wants the newspaper. That is gift love. A man bringing home flowers because he admires the way his wife does what she does.. that is gift love. Real love.
So real love comes in many forms.
Gringas don’t like younger Ticas that need/want an older man because they need what he has to offer. They don’t like erotic love and believe that according to some puritanical upbringing that men should not feel the primal urge and desire women for no other reason than their beauty. You a bad boy if you do that! Sorry gringas – Erotic love, that is real love.
Real love is what happens to you when you feel it.
Now how you handle love is another story.
Do you cave into it? That is a matter of strength. This is where most Latinos are a good source of understanding. They command. Ticas want direction. They want you to be the leader. Most gringos do not know how to be in the command position. Look at our politicians…
Remember that Ticas are not gringas. Understand her customary behavior and flow with / rather than trying to make her a gringa, because you only understand how to treat gringas.
For the most part Ticas value their relationships and that means their family. If you need to compete with that rather than flow with it… you won’t do well here in my opinion.
Find love where you find it. Life is not a chick flick… You are a man in a Latin society. If you want to do well study Latin men’s behavior. Ticas may say they want a gringo, but most only know Latinos. So that is their point of reference, and even if you are a goody-good butt kissing gringo looking for that next posterior to worship, after the novelty wears off she will treat you like a Latino. She does not know how to treat you like anything else.
So you need to know how to behave so she is not confused. Hey customary Latino behavior are great. I am a big fan! Learn it and try it! Lot of freedom there and a lot of fun. So take some charm lessons from Latinos – it will go a long ways and let things slide instead of trying to understand everything and make your Tica explain everything. Ticas don’t like that about Gringos. Don’t be so easily offended, and expect apologizes for all the little mishaps… Playing the “I’m offended card” is far from charming. Be easy to be with and it will go a long ways, and that means actually say less at times…
Buen Suerte!
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