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I plan to visit Costa Rica in April and May 2008. In April I will be exchanging art for lodgings with a Tica who runs a bed and breakfast in Alajuela. While staying there for free I will be doing several paintings to decorate her rooms. I will then be spending May in Guanacaste doing a similar trade for an art dealer. My question: Is there a ten commandments for how not to offend Ticos, given some of the cultural differences I will be encountering.
I live in Canada, but I am fluent in Spanish which I hope will get me going in the right direction. I am also curious about the Ticos and would like to become better acquainted with some of them. I was last in Costa Rica in 1994 for two weeks, with almost no Spanish and most of my time there I spent with Gringos or other visitors. However, I want to avoid the ethnic ghetto thing this time around as much as possible. Any ideas?
First of all – THANK YOU – for asking Aaronbz… You are obviously wise and considerate enough (rare traits these days) to appreciate that this is a different people and there are indeed cultural differences.
This is an area of the site that I have wanted to expand on but due to lack of time have been unable to do so…
We do have a few articles on here by Eric Liljenstolpe, M.A. Ed. (search for Liljenstolpe) which are are a ‘must read.’ He is an expert in cross cultural education and although I have been begging him for years for more material, he too has been too busy to do so …
Scott Oliver – Founder
WeLoveCostaRica.comI agree with Scott – this is a great subject and great people. Before I reply let me introduce myself, Hi I am Diego one of the more opiniated of the members here – I have been in and out of this country for almost 20 years – so I have seen a lot of changes – and frankly I would give up all the equity I have in this countries (and that a lot), if it would go back to the way it was in the late 80’S.
So don’t take my 35 cents worth to seriously. Here goes – (Scott are you cringing?)
Don’t expect to become close friends with Ticos – close relationships are made through family and over a lot of time. I do not think Tico have the same idea of extended family that we do in the states.
Don’t lose your temper and shout. Always comes back to haunt you.
Realize that most of the retribution you may or may not deserve will be passive in nature.
Expect to be gossiped about and do not take it seriously.
Ticos use their words as weapons very well – they have little other recourse except to gossip or snitch you off one way or the other.
Be polite and use manners
Be generous – they expect that.
However, be assertive and draw boundaries – they will respect that.
When you sit with Ticos at a restaurant you can count on the server bringing you (the Gringo) the bill for the table – so be prepared. I have been at the Pizza Hut with a friend and a couple of his family members and they even ordered pizza to go on my tab! I kid you not.
Be ready for some hard luck stories – they know Gringos are suckers for them.
Don’t trust the attorneys – no matter what they say and how nice they say it.
Be wary of anyone selling real estate. Make sure they are in the biz 24/7 or do not talk to them.
I have been here for a long time and I doubt that more than a handful of Tico see past me being a foreigner. But that’s okay; I don’t mind it because I have accepted it.
You will not be considered family even though you may feel like it – if you can remember just that, you will do well. And I think that is why it hurts a lot when they take retribution on you for what you would consider the most petty reasons. A lot of them do it for no other reasons than they can. Ticos I think have at least if not moore jealouscy amoung themselves and forigners. They in some ways like most latin culture think it is a form of expressing affection (Generally speaking – all you political correct people take a breath).
Be nice, be generous, be polite and remember it’s their country and don’t try to educate them. Laugh, huge, kiss pat the kids on the head, tell the women how pretty they are, and be randomly kind. You will see that they have a tremendous public appreciation of that and they tolerate Gringos well.
Most Tico think Gringo’s do not know what is important – and unfortunately – they are right in most cases. If you have kids – you are way ahead of the game.
Remember you are the Gringo – rich white invader from the north – and you are!
I forgot onre thing – don’t expect things to be organized or quick – it is a process driven culture – so if you are not doing bussiness here – IE trying to get things done, this won’t bother you much If you are… take several deep breaths and when you are about ready to scream over the most idiotic acts – well remind yourself where you are and why you are here and that it is not like back home – and you will be okay , Beside the medical is cheap so if you have a heart attack over the status quo – the bill will be less!!!!
Didn’t cringe at all Diego and you provide some very valuable insights – thank you
They call the hard luck stories ‘sacando el violin‘ which literally means “taking out the violin” and it happens socially as well as in business to try and get you to sympathize with their plight and offer them better terms…
Scott Oliver – Founder
WeLoveCostaRica.comDiego, Very insightful, I must say. Sometimes we want to believe things are as we seem to believe them, but the reality may be quite different. I’ll take your’s as an accurate assesment. Twenty years of observation qualifies your comments. Thanks for the reality check.
Diego, very insightful–it never hurts to be kind to others and also to set boundaries–I’m so glad you said that.
Aaronbz: Chemistry between people happens everywhere and it’s always very subjective. If you’re open, accepting, respectful and friendly, they usually will respond in kind. When being generous, don’t go overboard, not only because this would be letting them take advantage of you (and it’s not necessary to make friends), but because there’s something that happens when a person feels indebted to you–an equilibrium is broken and they may just feel the need to repay you in not so nice ways. Ticos/as also don’t appreciate people that talk loudly to them, much less at them–even if your intent is not to quarrel. You may think you’re just excitedly speaking about something, but they will perceive it as you yelling at them. I saw a lot of Cubans learn this lesson during my first visit in 1982. Now once you’re with a group of close friends, the rules may change and things may get a bit more boisterous. As when a guest in someone’s home, take your cues from your hosts, remember that you are a guest in their country and that many tend to be on the conservative side of many issues so you might not want to start a conversation with a Tico/a you just met by criticizing Catholicism, bringing up abortion issues (abortion is illegal in CR) or the like. There are also a lot of progressive thinkers with varied views, but you will get to know them in bit by bit. Time will tell you if you’ve made friends during this stay, but I can tell you that I still have friends there from 1982 and I’ve made plenty of other true friends along the way. The US college students I took to CR for 10 years also made lasting friendships year after year and they continue to visit each other. That will depend on luck, you and the Tico/a you get to know this time around. I hope you have a wonderful time and are open to the possibilities….I don’t think you will have any problems relating to Ticos/as–you’re obviously a very respectful person…Pura Vida!Well put and worth reading twice! Valuable information especially for a lot of the invaders from the north who think civilization begins and ends at the golden arches.Let me throw a “lol” in there just for good measure!!!
Dear Aaronbz: As I drove home tonight I thought of all of the blunders we sometimes make when we visit a country we aren’t familiar with the culture, customs or language. Hopefully, these might serve to avoid you some potentially embarrasing moments. More than 2 decades ago there were some pretty big differences in expected behavior and clothing choices. For example, women weren’t expected to wear boots in San Jose (that is, unless you were a sex worker) and I went about with my long peasant skirts and cowboy boots until someone politely pointed it out–I was 19 and mortified. Today fashion is not likely to get you in trouble. Another thing that has somewhat changed in the larger cities, but still holds pretty true in the smaller towns is that when a gentleman takes a lady out on a date, he’s expected to be between her and the street side of the sidewalk. It’s a protection and an “honor” type of statement–another one I was oblivious too, but learned fairly quickly. Today in SJ you don’t see very young men & women keeping to that custom much, but you still see it with people in their +40s and in small towns.
If you stay to live in a small town, the park will be the “social gathering” place. If you’re in a bigger city, you might want to ask if the park is safe and who happens to gather there before you venture to make friends.
Costa Ricans are notorious for being pranksters, using slang and having sayings that you would not figure out unless someone has explained them to you. Here are some of those slangs and sayings so that you can understand what’s being said and I’ve suggested Mayela’s book which is also interesting. Please don’t try to use these words and sayings until you’re fully aware of their meaning, in what context and company they may be spoken (as some are considered more street language, others just for use with close friends and both of these catagories are not expected to be used during Sunday dinner)–another thing I learned in 1982-1983. At least this way you won’t be “detras del palo.” You mentioned that you speak Spanish, but some do have English translations. By the way, some have Diay! (=Well?/!) but it’s more commonly used as Idiay?/! Happy reading y Pura Vida!
http://cpi.nfls.ca/t_talk.php
http://www.puravidamae.com/sayings.htm
http://home.austin.rr.com/ticopage/page82.htmlBook about CR sayings:
http://www.tuanix.com/Literatura/Literatura_en_Costa_Rica/TabId/172/default.aspx?p=A00T00005003/0/5977About half of the phrases are also used by Cubans and Puerto Ricans as well, although “JODER” in particular is considered a vulgar expression…una mala palabra..
Oh Aaronbz, I almost forgot something that takes a bit to figure out and may lead to misunderstandings. When a Tico/a sees you and invites you over for coffee/tea, but doesn’t provide you with their address, time, etc. Although they sound tremendously earnest and insistent upon you coming to visit, they are just being polite. I have a friend from Mozambique and her Dutch husband that used to get crazy with this. Don’t take it to heart, if they really want you to come over, they will provide you with the particulars so you can actually get there. A second invitation may be helped along if you bring something for the host/hostess or something yummy to share with the family during that visit (I think it would be considered gracious in most cultures). Take good care and remember that no matter how much you do research now, there’s no better teacher than actually being there… I’m so excited for you, I’m sure you will have a wonderful time. Pura Vida!
I logged on to reply to this query, being right up my ally, and found that Diego already said it all. I’m in total agreement. I HATE it when that happens!
One further suggestion when you come up against a bureaucratic brick wall, ask the representative to help you out “as a personal favor” (un favor personal). That seems to do the trick sometimes…
Sorry but I cannot agree with Diego, at least it is not my experience. If the Ticos expect you to pay the bill at the restaurant, it is because you did not make things clear before !! I arrived in CR in September, a few days after my birthday, and my Tico friends were waiting for me with many gifts, one had even built a little rancho at the beach because he knew I had dreamed of it in my last stay and did not have time to build it before I leave. They are the ones who invite me for a beer or a meal.
I think all you need to remember to get along with Ticos is to treat them with respect, and NEVER ever let them know you think they are wrong. For example, if they do something you asked for, and it is not what you were expecting, you don’t tell it is not okay, but maybe you have changed your mind as to how it should be, and he can help you fix it the other way. Ticos never insult or screem, but they will let you know otherwise if you did wrong.
Yes they think all foreigners are richers than they are, but they like to talk about the difference of culture, and they understand the money hard earned in our homeland, and the cost of living is different. They will always forgive the mistakes from the difference of culture if you don’t pretend to be better than they are…just different. It is not true that one cannot have real Tico Friends. I could write a book about all they have already done for me, without expecting nothing in return…
If you don’t come here with the fear they will all take advantage of you, they won’t.
Good luck, and I am sure you will have a very good experience in Costa Rica.
Joyeah, that part about not being able to expect a Tico to keep a real friendship with a Gringo is one hell of a generalization and while there may be general tendencies in every culture to have a bias, one to one relationships tend to over ride the general cultural differences.
Look how many marriages there are between individuals of different cultures. I have such a marriage with a Puerto Rican and I will never believe that true relationships between people from different cultures are not possible.I couldn’t agree with you more Sprite! Plus Ticos/as are used to having friends scattered throughout the world. Many have studied abroad, visited other countries and even the ones that have never left CR have had the opportunity of meeting & befriending many people that come to their beautiful country. I’m sure that the “friend” stories are endless just as there may some other not so pleasant stories that some may have experienced. Again, for the most part, it will depend on how respectful and friendly you are to them. No one wants to feel less than anyone else and much less in their own country. Ticos/as write, email and my Tico/a friends and I speak on the phone at least once a month (and that’s not counting my sister)–that’s a lot of calls in 25 years! After your trip, you may need to consider phone service that can reduce the expense of staying connected with your new friends!:) Even the ones I don’t contact regularly are always thrilled when I come to CR and take the time to visit with me. They never seem to find enough ways to show their genuine affection–but you know what, I feel the same about them and they know that my home is also open to them no matter where I happen to live. Ticos/as gotta love them! 🙂
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