Getting along well with Ticos

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  • #187415
    Aaronbz
    Member

    Thanks again Scott and everybody. I didn’t realize I would kick up such a storm of comments (many very helpful, by the way), but this is greatly appreciated! I would just like to add here that in Vancouver, where I live, we have seen public civility and good manners get flushed right down the toilet in recent years, and it is not uncommon for perfect strangers pubilcly cussing each other out over the pettiest infractions. Having heard that Ticos are not at all like this, I only look forward to experience being among people for whom civility and good manners are the rule, and I also want to take good care that I will not carry any of the gross, discourteous behaviour that is taking over my city there with me. (the Ticos deserve better!). Thanks again.
    Aaron

    #187416

    Since you speak Spanish, you’ll be able to understand and adapt to the Tico culture in a short period of time. Find where you most comfortably fit in and have fun enjoying your new friendships here in paradise.
    Here’s a few things to keep in mind while you’re adapting to the local culture.
    Foreigners who do manage to stay for a long time in Costa Rica do so because they possess patience and flexibility. People who become frustrated here and decide to go back home don’t do so because they couldn’t find their favorite beverage or a suitable appliance. They leave because they couldn’t adapt to the local culture
    If you’re expecting things to be the same as in your home country then you’re bound to get disappointed. A move to another country allows you to start over with a new life and experience a new culture in a new environment.
    Most foreigners have become accustomed to things such as promptness and efficiency. That’s our baggage from our industrial and technology driven world. The expectation that these things exist in Costa Rica is our problem not the Tico’s.

    Even after living here 15 years, occasionally some interaction with the locals becomes challenging. When this occurs, I simply remind myself; “If you don’t expect much, you won’t get disappointed” Then I step back, take a second look at the situation that is beginning to frustrate me and remind myself where I’m at, who I’m dealing with and why I’m here. Then the situation at hand doesn’t seem so irritating.
    Sometimes the unexpected trials and wide differences in cultural understanding make the transition much more difficult than expected. Years ago I noticed several cultural differences that used to make my life in Costa Rica frustrating. The concept of time I brought along. The expectations of efficiency I had become accustomed to. Misunderstandings with the language I needed to learn.
    Cultural differences in comprehending time can be attributed to the fact that Costa Ricans and foreigners place different values on time. People in traditional cultures tend to have similar attitudes towards time, and Costa Rica is still a more traditional culture. Industrialized cultures tend to think of time as money.
    Tico’s live for the pleasure of ‘now’ and when necessary, take the time to exchange a little work for enough money to get by on.
    We are continually bothered by what we foreigners view as a lack of punctuality on the part of Costa Ricans. Ticos will say, “I’ll be there manana”, but they usually don’t show up. Often they are not hours late, but days late, with no excuse, no phone calls, no apology. Things get done here in their own time, not in the time you want to impose.
    New resident’s who can slow down and adjust to Tico time, have a much better chance of making a success of their new lifestyles.
    Obtaining residency here usually takes much longer than expected. You need to hire a consultant to get a drivers license. The list of frustrations goes on and on. The bottom line is, if you are not able to slow down and adapt to the culture you’re probably going to end up back where you came from.

    Culture is embedded in languages, and misunderstandings often arise due to the way in which people of distinct cultures express and understand language content. Europeans and North Americans are very direct. In Costa Rica, the Ticos don’t say things up front. It’s part of their culture and is considered bad manners.
    If you don’t understand the culture you get frustrated and some folks become angry and this offends the Ticos. Fortunately, Ticos tend not to follow verbal aggression with physical aggression, creating in reality a live and let live culture.

    Misinterpretations therefore arise because Costa Ricans view foreigners as “rude” while North Americans find Costa Ricans to be “indirect” or even “dishonest.” Many foreigners feel that they have had to learn to decode what their Costa Rican associates and friends are really trying to say. It’s not that Ticos lie more, it’s that they are trying to save face. They don’t want to disappoint you. If they don’t know the answer, they say to themselves “I don’t know but I want to give my best guess.” You have to learn to listen carefully and read between the lines. A simple word like “Ya” can mean “it’s already done”, I’m doing it right now, or I’ll get to it soon”

    We’ve all faced new challenges in Costa Rica and those of us who have been able to acclimate enjoy the benefits. The country’s strong democratic tradition, innovative environmental programs, museums, cultural activities, ideal climate and affordable cost of living continue to make it a logical destination for multinational companies and retirees.

    The option to live a lifestyle similar to that in a large North American city is here if you want it. Check out the selection and pricing in any of the major shopping malls or at the local supermarkets. Most products that are imported here from another country incur duties. These duties are built into the price you pay at the cashier. If you want to live and consume the same products available from overseas, they are available here but more expensive than those produced locally.
    I prefer the old days before there were shopping malls filled with international retailers and restaurants. I don’t miss any of what these new franchises have to offer. I patronize typical Costa Rican businesses and my budget is much more affordable.
    It’s nice to have options and that’s a philosophy I recommend. Plans tie you down. Options offer freedom. You don’t irritate someone because you exercised an option. But there are many times when plans did not materialize as expected and someone gets irritated. Keep your options open and your plans to a minimum.
    Live like the Tico’s, adopt their attitude and adapt to their culture. You’ll probably live longer and happier!

    #187417
    diego
    Member

    One of the best posts I have ever seen in the fourm.

    #187418
    Alfred
    Member

    Scott, Please accept my apologies for any part I played in the melee that broke out on the site. You have a business to run, and my personal amusement should not be any reason for me to have taken advantage of your generosity. I have met some of the finest people here and hope to still have the opportunity to meet more.

    Rebeca, The pleasure has been all mine. Hope to see you one day in CR. Pura Vida.

    #187419
    diego
    Member

    Ditto Alfred – I was having too much fun – got carried away Chief.

    #187420
    Andrew
    Keymaster

    Thank you.

    Please bear in mind that we have a wonderful community of people here who for the most part are delighted to help with their expert advice which is just fantastic for newcomers and, there are many insights for many of us who have lived here for some time too…

    The last thing I want is people ‘hesitant’ to post a question in the forum for fear of being made fun of or for fear of feeling stupid about asking something. The only stupid questions, are the ones that have not been asked already…

    We have what is arguably the best Costa Rica Discussion Forum and out of respect for the 8,200+ VIP Members of WeLoveCostaRica.com we want to keep it that way…

    Scott Oliver – Founder
    WeLoveCostaRica.com

    #187421
    scottbenson
    Member

    CRhomebuilder, I do beleive in many of the statments that you have pointed out above, how ever I believe that many of the items that you have stated is not just a Tico trate. As stated above I am currently living in Paraguay and have not noticed much of a difference in punctuality issue. Here in Paraguay they close most of the central shops, banks, goverments by 4:00 pm Downtown is not even open on Sundays! (The only places that are open is the shoping malls and other biz) I believe that most of the latin culture is stand offish and don´t say things up front, I have many examples in my office where I work with Paraguayins. As for the goverment problems, well if you think it is bad in CR then come to my world! Its about 10 times worse down here! In CR I recived my drivers license in about 30 min, but that was because of the line for the pictures. Here you better have some money in your hand to pay off the officials, police and any other goverment employee that you need a stamp from.

    How ever I do believe that the reasons why people leave CR is because they come with a dream of what paradise should be and if it dosent fit and they can´t make it fit than they leave. They blame the Ticos and can´t see they are the true problem!

    As I stated above Ticos are no differnt than any other culture in Central and South Americas, they are not any more special than a Chilean or a Paraguayian, they don´t have pixie dust and say Pura Vida to make the world better. Its just another place on earth with people just trying to get a head!

    In Costa Rica they have the saying Pura Vida!

    Here they have a saying, many people cry when they find out they are moving to Paraguay and many people cry when they find out they are leaving Paraguay!

    #187422
    rebaragon
    Member

    I’m under a real time crunch with some things I need to get done for school, but I really think this may help those reading this thread and give you some extra info so you can make up your own minds about this subject once you actually get to visit or live awhile within the Costa Rican culture. Sure, CR has suffered from much acculturation by now, but there is still a CR culture that is interesting and has been personally a pleasure to experience.
    *****
    I’m sure you can all think of analogies that prove that the point that going from the general to the specific doesn’t have to mean one denying the other. (example: from animal kingdom, to having skin, to being human, to being a woman, to having DNA–specifies who we may be without discounting many shared similarities along the way with other living beings–While other living creatures have DNA and analogues structures, your DNA specifies you.)

    Our specific culture doesn’t deny our humanity or other groups we may be similar to or be part of. Different cultures have different traits, different degrees in which those traits are expressed and the significance they give them. Even though Latinos share many cultural traits, we ALSO have specificities within different groups. If you put a Mexican from DF, Guatamalan, Cuban, Nicaraguan, Costa Rican, Panamanian, Venezuelan and an Argentinian group of people (just to name a few) in a room they of course could recognize their similar “human” condition and social drives. They would also recognize their Latino culture, but they can also identify themselves and the others as having divergent cultural characteristics. It’s what cultural anthropologists have been studying and cultural psychologist observing in order to understand why coming from a particular group of people sometimes delineated by a common history and geography produces some different behaviors. I loved that someone mentioned how “different” doesn’t have to mean “less than” and certainly doesn’t have to mean anyone is trying to patronize another just because they recognize a difference or a similarity. The convergence and peaceful (or at least sustainable) existence of diversity in all forms, is a fragile equilibrium, but it’s also one of the richest environments known to us.

    I think it may help is we ask — what is culture? Well the definition began as a pretty ethnocentric concept of “civilized” western views of native people, but today that’s been replaced by definitions more in line with Franz Boas’ cultural relativism. I’m sure you will find many definitions, but they all tend to include some if not all of Boas’ 4 major postulates:

    1.The cultural aspects of human behavior are acquired solely through learning and are not biologically based or conditioned.

    2.The cultural conditioning of behavior is really accomplished through habituation and so it’s more about unconscious processes rather than rational thinking (even when rationalizations can be expressed to explain cultural values).

    3.ALL cultures are just as equally developed according to THEIR own priorities and values; NONE is better, more advanced, or less primitive than any other.

    4.Cultural traits cannot be classified or interpreted according to universal categories appropriate to “human nature.” They assume meaning only within the context of coherently interrelated elements internal to the particular culture under consideration.

    As per Bates & Plog’s, culture is “a system of shared beliefs, values, customs, behaviors, and artifacts that the members of society use to cope with their world and with one another, and that are transmitted from generation to generation through learning.” The latter is really important to stress since, for example, even though Cubans may share some common Spaniard and/or African slave heritage (probably none of their Taino indigenous background) with Costa Ricans, most Cuban ancestors couldn’t provide ALL of the cultural lessons for Costa Rican people because you can’t discount all of the lessons provided by the groups they do NOT have in common—even if they’re both Latino groups.

    This definition points to four important characteristics symbolic composition, systematic patterning, learned transmission and societal grounding. Within these, language and the use that this language/communication is given within the context of a cultural group is extremely important. Which is why everyone keeps bringing up “Pura Vida” which not only is reflective of their laid back nature, but of how pervasive it is since they use this word when meeting, when saying good bye and when expressing consent. There are millions of other words that take a different meaning to one Latino group than the do for another. I think we may all be aware of this problem so please if you love papaya in Costa Rica DO NOT request it when you visit Cuba unless you want to be considered vulgar, there the appropriate word for that fruit would be frutabomba—the same goes for Puerto Rico with the Spanish word for “insect” which would be considered innocuous in Costa Rica and not so much in Puerto Rico.

    When observing a culture you obviously are observing individuals act, but when the tendency appears to be towards acting in a particular way, then there is a correlation made as to the general group—a cultural trait. Of course there will be Ticos/as that are not as polite, but the general tendency is that they are a polite group of people. Some have said that Latinos and Ticos are not forthright/direct, well I guess they haven’t met many Panamanians or Cubans among other very direct Latino groups which really don’t pussy foot around many issues. Perception is everything, I say Ticos/as are polite in their use of sense of humor and someone else might disagree– when they typically don’t make fun of foreigners who feel superior to them to their face, but they sure give them material to create their very funny jokes and “choteos” (well, I guess how funny the joke is considered depends on which side of the joke you’re on…).

    Ticos “jalan” and go to their girlfriend’s house to “markar” and it would be offensive to most US women, Cuban women, Venezuelan women, and probably many others to think that their boyfriend was saying he was going to “mark” when on a date with them—the first thing they would think was that they were “marking a territory” and I can’t imagine that this would put them in a romantic mood—BUT for Ticos/as it does not have this negative connotation. They take certain times during the week (sometimes specifically assigned times ex. Wed nights and Fri & Sat–not typically that constricted today) where they are expected to visit their girlfriends at the girl’s parental home. It’s expected as part of the function that they are “jalando” which literally means pulling (I will not even go there..) and for Ticos/as it means that they are in a boyfriend-girlfriend relationship. All cultures have male-female courtship (or we would have died off many millions of years ago), but Ticos/as express this behavior with words that have specific positive meaning to them and that would not be considered so positive to someone who does not know of their cultural context.

    The oxcart is also considered a symbol of what some seem to think is a non-existent Costa Rican cultural heritage, by some I mean UNESCO.

    I will go one step further, Costa Rica not only has a specific culture, it also has different cultures within its borders because it’s not as homogenized as most of our milk. If you would like to know more about different CR cultures, I recommend reading Carmen Murrillo (during the 10 years I brought college students to CR, I made sure she provided them with a lecture that would help them question many of the myths that are proselytized in some CR Tour Guide Books and give them a better understanding of the people they came to meet) and 2 different Palmers who write about CR (which are in English & Spanish)—They have spent their lives observing the supposedly non-existent culture of Costa Rica and are interesting reads.

    Just a few of Carmen’s work (she’s also written about the railroad and many other CR related subjects, I’m sure if you go to Macondo bookstore near UCR in San Pedro, you will be able to find it there or at Clara Luna a few blocks away—If not, head for the UCR—School of Anthropology)—I hope you enjoy the reading. Now I really have to run…Pura Vida!

    Murillo, Carmen. 1990. La cultura nuestra de cada día. Revista Herencia. Programa de
    Rescate y Revitalización del Patrimonio Cultural. Vicerrectoría de Acción Social.
    No. 2, Vol. 1. San José, Costa Rica: Universidad de Costa Rica.
    _____________. 1994. Dimes y diretes sobre el patrimonio cultural. Revista Herencia.
    Programa de Rescate y Revitalización del Patrimonio Cultural. Vicerrectoría de
    Acción Social. No. 1 y 2, Vol. 6. San José, Costa Rica: Universidad de Costa Rica.
    _____________. 1994. Banco de datos sobre cultura popular costarricense. Proyecto de
    Investigación. Escuela Estudios Generales, Escuela de Antropología y Sociología.
    San José, Costa Rica: Universidad de Costa Rica.

    http://www.amazon.com/Costa-Rica-Reader-History-Politics/dp/0822333724
    This site has “The Costa Rica Reader: History, Culture, Politics” Edited by Steven Palmer & Ivan Molina (I haven’t read this particular book, but knowing a bit about Ivan, it’s probable pretty exhaustive).

    http://www.amazon.com/What-Happen-Folk-History-Costa-Talamanca/dp/0970567839/ref=sr_1_5/103-2601919-9321419?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1193060397&sr=1-5
    This site has Paula Palmer’s “What Happen: A Folk-History of CR’s Talamanca Coast”. (This woman is very respected by the local people of Limon and a must read to understand the area and immunizing yourselves from the stereotypical portrayal of people who live in Limon (again–a diverse group of people).

    #187423
    Alfred
    Member

    Rebeca, I would love to see what you can write when you have plenty of time on your hands.lol. As you are about to see, I have entirely too much time on mine.
    Great piece of work. And good luck on your midterms.

    In my own much more simplistic way, I would just like to throw out a few of my own observations. Culture, while being very hard to define, almost always gets defined by people using stereotypes. Any culture differing from our own is open to this. We can’t see it in ours, but are usually willing to attach it to other people’s. An over simplified example; if your ethnic group is very nurturing to your children, and you happen to see someone from another ethnic group not treating their kids with respect and caring, it is easy to assume, “they’re all like that.” You can apply it to almost any situation. I think it comes from the feeling that we do it right, others do not. Not all people think this way, but a good amount do.

    Culture can develop with separation from other groups. Whether it is by language, geographical features (islands, rivers, mountains, manmade borders), skin tone, or physical features. Communal living of these groups gives rise to their individual culture. They tend to mix with their own kind and develop ways and customs to interact with each other, as you said. When another small group comes in, the impact is minor, but if they are enough in number they have an effect. I’m told the word “Tuanis” in CR is a contraction form of the English phrase “too nice.” It was picked up from the North Americans living there in the 1960s. It has blended in to now become part of their culture. The influence from Spain in CR is fairly prominent due to the smaller amount of indigenous peoples when they first arrived.
    In other Latin American countries the indigenous influence is much greater in their culture because of their higher number when the Spanish came, and they did not subjugate or kill off as many. In the US, even though we are an English speaking country, settled mostly by British, the hundreds of years of separation from the mother country has given us our own unique culture, and unique idioms of language. As the saying goes, “We are two countries separated by a common language.” This, plus the mixing of other immigrant groups as well, gives us our own culture. But there is only one prominent USA culture, and most groups have assimilated to it. Primarily because of controlled immigration has this happened. There are subcultures for sure, but the majority is the one government and business operates within. In one or two generations of emigrating, the mother country’s tongue is all but lost, along with traditions of food and family rearing and interaction. Almost all of us here eat at Mcdonalds and other fast food places at one time or another. Many kids stay single longer, or leave home at a younger age than their parents or grandparents did. They are more self reliant than family reliant. While these are not all the things that define us, they are some of them.

    In the US, the big issue now is illegal immigration. Many are afraid our culture will be lost through unrestrained immigration, and in some sense they are correct. The fear is, if a large enough group, in this case Mexicans and some other Latinos, come into the USA, our culture will be supplanted with theirs. It is visible in signs that have two languages, use by us gringos of Spanish words and phrases, finding more Latin foods in stores, and other subtle changes. People are worried, because they say Latinos coming to the US in large numbers tend to congregate in their own communities, do not learn English, and do not assimilate. While this may be true to some extent, as it was in most other groups, I think we will see a blending at first of cultures, and then a new unique one born out of it, if the numbers hold up. Latinos are about 12.6% of the population in the US right now. It is rising due to immigration, and the higher birthrate among Latinos. The birthrate for US native born is dropping. Westerners in the US are somewhat fearful of this change. It is normal for one group to want to hold onto what is perceived as their own culture. It has been our own, now indigenous culture, for hundreds of years. And as such, any change, seems to frighten many people. I am not as fearful of this, but my belief is we have to control our borders in order to retain a stable country.

    The reason I bring this up, is now Costa Rica is faced with a similar situation. As we age here, Baby Boomers are looking for new places to retire. Costa Rica had provided that new fertile ground for many of us gringos. We are building and moving there in large numbers. Only to increase in the next ten years. On the highway to Jaco, you see many signs for developments predominantly in English, not the official Spanish. Many Ticos have learned to speak English in order to promote tourism and commerce. More real estate is being sold by non-Ticos, more businesses being opened by them as well. My question then is, how do you think they really feel about us being there? Do they look at us as invaders, interlopers, or as assimilators to their culture? Do they feel their culture will be impacted and changed dramatically, or even lost altogether?

    While I don’t really have the answer, my feeling is I would hope to assimilate when we get there. My reasons for leaving here would be to change my life, as other immigrants that came to the US did. By the time we get there, my wife and I would be to old to start a fresh new life, and we’re not sure if our children would really want to follow us there yet. I don’t know how many others are relocating with the mindset of assimilation, or if they just want to change latitudes. If they don’t, this might breed tensions, and a dislike for the many northerners and Europeans relocating there.

    My thoughts of how to get along with Ticos, and to really make your life, and their life, as easy a relationship as possible, is to become as much a Tico as you possibly can. You will never be accepted as a national, but you can immerse yourself in their unique culture.
    Do what they do, eat what they eat. Learn the language and customs. Be very patient and let your former life yield to the culture. Don’t fight it and complain how things were not done this way or that back home. Wait on lines quietly, as they do, try to understand they have been doing it this way forever, and you are not going to change them. If you are punctual and they are not, so what! That’s why it is called the land of mañana. Deal with it. If they don’t invite you into their homes as quickly as you would, learn how to be a better friend, or more respectful possibly. If they still don’t, let it go.

    You cannot, and should not expect others to treat you in kind all the time, if it is not their way. You are the one who has to adapt, not them.

    Edited on Oct 23, 2007 21:54

    #187424
    rebaragon
    Member

    Enjoy your stay in CR, but please don’t forget to use your common sense when dealing with any individuals anywhere in the world–including what surely seems like paradise found…

    The meeting of two people or two cultures represented in the human beings that are meeting is always like a dance and your partner will forgive your lack of skill performing that dance as long as your attitude is in the right place—it should be fun and interesting. HOWEVER, I would hate that all of the positive depictions of the Tico/a culture entice anyone to, as Lotus put it in another thread (I don’t have much time, but I still do read the post :), to “check his brain at the airport” regarding any dealings with individual Ticos/as. Human behavior runs a huge spectrum between incredibly benevolent acts and unbelievably cruel ones, in CR or anywhere humans inhabit the planet. Costa Rica’s people, beaches, mountains, rivers, fauna, flora, etc. are all incredibly magical and “paradise like.” Most of the people are generous, respectful and friendly, but they are ALL humans too. I’m an optimist, but I do not have a Pollyanna mentality. This is an incredibly true, but sad story of two young US college students that arrived in Puerto Viejo, Limon to visit, fell absolutely in love with the place and its people and decided to extend their stay. This is all very common and many of us have been bitten by this bug once we visit CR, but they totally forgot that Ticos/as are also people and there are good people and also some horrible people everywhere. They wrote to their parents that they had “found paradise.” A few days after that email was written, those two girls were leaving a great dancing spot in Puerto Viejo at 2 A.M. and driving home alone when they encountered two young men walking home on those dark and lonely streets that have the beach to one side, homes and lotos of vegetation all over. They did what they would have NEVER done in the US, they decided to stop and give those boys a ride home. Now, during the day in most rural areas and certainly from Puerto Viejo onto Manzanillo, it’s customary to help someone out and give them a ride if they’re going in your direction. As a woman, I have only given rides to children and women with children (I’m sure many strangers that are men and have asked for a ride must be very nice, but I choose to err on the side of my safety). However, this was 2 A.M. in the morning!!! Needless to say they were raped, tortured and killed. Even though the perpetrators were caught, it could never bring those girls back and take away their parent’s sorrow.

    Alfred, as always, your writing is a pleasure to read! Pura Vida!

    #187425
    *Lotus
    Member

    All these posts have been very educational (some more than others)and I am sure they will be a great benefit to those visiting CR for the first time. And especially for those who visit and want to be more than googling blobs in funny clothes. Being a good house guest, polite, patient and kind will always go a long way…even before you know some of the nuances of the culture.

    #187426
    Andrew
    Keymaster

    I asked Lois Smith to write an article about this Discussion Forum topic which you can now see at

    As fas as I am concerned this is a MUST read article…

    Scott Oliver – Founder
    WeLoveCostaRica.com

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