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Gringo marriage / Unrealistic expectations
In response to the marraige article: [ https://www.welovecostarica.com/members/Is_Your_Marriage_Safe_In_Costa_Rica.cfm ]
Maybe marriages get in trouble in Costa Rica because Ticos/Ticas live a realistic lifestyle.
The occasional affair reminds men what they have at home causing them to value their partner. However it may also cause them to realize what a raw deal they have. This all goes the same for women too, so all you ladies that love to play the inequity card can rest assure that I recognize your right to happiness and your ability to be unfaithful. As a man, and a man that is proud to be a man, I can write only from the male experience.
People in Costa Rica are less likely to divorce over an affair. Ticas are more human and playful. As one Tico I know put it, “men (people) need to live. Why destroy a family over infidelity?” Life is very short and most gringas are very selfish and would rather have their husbands sexually frustrated than let them have their pleasures; you see their “love” is about them, it’s not about caring for their spouse. An over important sense-of-self makes most gringas feel entitled to own a man’s soul. Most girls I have dated fall into the same category: under accomplished and over confident for the huge ego they support.
The author is quick to point out that Ticas are looking for a pension of $500 a month but fails to point out that gringas want it all. Ticas appreciate limited sponsorship, and recognize that a fair exchange helps all.
Ticas are playful and enjoy dating and having sex during their dates. They are more human and see sex as a normal activity instead of something you have to sell your soul over.
As the author said “I lost half my income when my husband died.” Wasn’t it “their” income? It leads to the old saying of women see what is theirs as theirs and what is yours as theirs.
Many men want to stay with their wives, but they also want what makes them happy. If they do not get what makes them happy, they end of compromising their marriage and their happiness. Costa Rica can make many men reexamine their marriage, and with good reason
“Is your marriage healthy?” Is it really worth giving up your freedom and money to be unhappily married to a person with unrealistic expectations about fidelity and control?
Men think it’s below them to acknowledge the double standard that goes on all around them regarding what one sex can do to another. They think it offends their masculinity to denounce females for physical violence. They need to wake and look around at how women use the law to steal property and children and some gringa women living in Costa Rica suggest that only Ticas would do such a thing as marry for a pension.
Now lets get it right here, first of all marrying for security has been around a lot longer than marrying for “intuitive love.” Some women and even some men say its appalling for a man in his 50s or 60’s to be seen with a twenty something year old on his arm
Really?
I guess it is if you buy into what many were programmed with as a child. But if you examine relationships, you will see like everything else in life it is a trade off. Actually, it is a more realistic trade off. Girl is young and beautiful / guy is wealthy and experienced. Girl looks at it as “well after he is dead, I inherit the money to share with my kids or my next husband.” What did she bring to the table: looks, and the charm of youth. What did he bring to the table: power. Henry Kissinger didn’t have beautiful lovers because of his looks. He used the ultimate aphrodisiac: Power. Women love it, and so do men. It’s natural to be attracted to the powerful. And money, wisdom and connection make up power.
Men see it as “I get to be next to someone that I love having sex with and that I can spoil and enjoy.”
You see this all works if you look at it realistically, that is that men and women are built differently. Face it, if it wasn’t for the sex, who would you rather spend time with, a man or a woman. Ever notice how people divide into groups at social events? That is because it is normal: men and men, and women and women have more in common. Period.
They can have marriages in which they pretend to live up to some standard that was laid out for them, but if the truth be told, the majority of people would rather live in their own homes and share their lives with their spouse who lives next door with frequent sleep over privileges. The rest of the time, they would rather do what they want when they want. Many of the wealthy are now doing exactly this: Side by side separate homes where the occupants are married to each other.
When men come to Costa Rica and see that women here are accessible because they are realistic, true and fair about relationships and sex, it is appealing to them. So they get Tica girlfriends.
More realistic: Yes, most Tica that are younger and date older gringos have their young bucks too. Gringos of age know this and their sponsorships of the young mates do not exclude that, therefore it is more realistic.
More true: When both parties enter into an agreement that does not limit their freedom there is less likelihood of misrepresenting their desires.
More fair: Ticas know that men like a variety of partners. You can have a good relationship with a Tica that actually builds a friendship by helping each other out. Many Ticos know about their girlfriend’s Gringo and many actually encourage the relationship because of the financial stability it brings to the women, thus relieving their financial burden. So it’s all more or less upfront, although there is the usual conniving, women basically know how much the gringo will provide daily or weekly.
Gringas don’t do fair, they want it all – soul included. This leads to the old saying “you don’t pay women for sex, you pay them to leave after sex.”
The point being that the books are balanced. Gringa women rarely close the book, unless you are a young stud. Your balance, according to them, is rarely paid off.
So there you have it from a single male perspective regarding why your marriage may be in trouble in Costa Rica: Costa Rica living exposes that the expectation of gringo marriage is unrealistic.
Unless we all play by the same rules, there are going to be those who are offended and feel cheated. It all boils down to expectations and how well you and those with whom you have relations understand the social contract between you.
Good going Don Diego. I haven’t ever been married but i have lived with a few women and within weeks of the move in my woman started considering mine as our’s and hers was hers.:x
I like your spin on the Tico & Tica ideas of relationships.
I fear i will be under a Gringa attack very shortly! lolWhat a bunch of BS! I have been married to a Tica for more than seven years. Prior to that I was married to a Gringa, and I would recommend to all of my friends and family don’t marry a Gringa.
You have to understand the rest of the world does not think like gringas and gringos they think in much simpler terms.
My wife is highly educated and didn’t marry me for security in fact at the moment she makes more than me. The artical is wrong in many aspects and I can tell you that my brother in-laws have had to take DNA tests to vari some of their children. This artical was written by a gringa with a mentality of a gringa.
Wow, I sure hope you have stock in condoms. I could so tear your post apart line for line, it’s ridiculous. Let’s get your shallow conclusion out the way…culture doesn’t make a man cheat, a man cheats by CHOICE. AMEN.
It’s pretty simple to me…if you wanta taste all the flavors, then don’t ask for a woman’s hand in marriage…doesn’t that normally get the ball (and chain?) rolling….
One more thing: insecurity = sex = power = insecurity = sex = power = insecurity…and so the male cycle continues.PS – this isn’t written from the female perspective because we all don’t have the same perspective, this is MY perspective and MY opinion on your shallow, egotistical post.
Cheers!Wow, again! You mean somebody actually was able to read that entire post? I sure couldn’t. I, too, disagree with what he posted, but since it was not easily understandable, I pretty much ignored it.
[quote=”jdocop”]Wow, again! You mean somebody actually was able to read that entire post? I sure couldn’t. I, too, disagree with what he posted, but since it was not easily understandable, I pretty much ignored it.[/quote]
Agree with you jdocop….I couldn’t get through the first two sentences without an overwhelming feeling of “Who gives a crap what you think”….seems the internet has shrunk the world and the brain.
TSWell, I did get through the whole thing. Jeez….my overwhelming feeling was that the post was really, really insulting to MEN. I am privileged to know smart, mature, powerful MEN (including my own husband) who value their commitments, families and marriages. They are interesting and sexy and in my opinion, these men get better with age.
I’ll bet there are more than a few men on this forum that are just this kind of good man. I get that there are men who are cads and buffoons, but my life has been enhanced by far more good men than bad.
It is always of great interest to read these differing opinions…just wanted to add mine.
I don’t think the author was trying to portray good and bad people, but that people fall short. The punishment needs to fit the crime. Would you divorce over an unfaithful spouse. All who have chimed in please simply ansewer Yes or No. For me, although I would be upset, I would not divorce over it.
AS far as the post itself goes, it was vry interesting, provocative and well written. If you couldn’t get through it, either you were uninterested or lack reading skill.
I can see where it would upset the man stuck with an overbearing US wife who secretly yearns to be free, and I can see where this kind of the “emperor has no cloths” article would upset US women too.
The 50% divorce rate bears out that there are indeed unrealistic expectations in US marriages. But I know plenty of competent women who say the same thing that competent US men say “How come I can’t find someone?” I think it has to do with their expectations of perfection. We are all imperfect and the US “perfect wedding / perfect marriages” perfect this, perfect that attitude is nauseating. Maybe that is why I like it here because it is gloriously imperfect.
Need to consider the functional marriages where both men and women pull their weight too. There is nothing better than being in a balanced respectful relationship in which each couples respect the other’s gender and are true to their own. Unfortunately, these marriages seem to be in the minority in the US and I see them more frequently in cultures that have long-standing traditions. Even these marriages are not immune to infidelities.
There is the emasculation of the American male to consider (look at the super bowl adds) and the masculation of the American female to consider. Many US men are here to escape that.
I can see why US men come here to live a life free of the distorted social norms of the US. Face it; Costa Rica is much wilder. The social mores in the US make it easy for some to lable others as losers because of the intense competition and the Jones complex. Maybe that is another reason people come here – to get away from that.
Overall, this goes back to the reason people come here, either to seek a new lifestyle, in that case the post makes perfect sense, or to recreate the US lifestyle here for cheaper. Those people will see this post as going against the norm, because they believe that the US lifestyle is the norm – Those who have a worldview know that it is not.
should elizabeth edwards divorce that nincompoop she’s married to at the moment? were it me, divorce would be out of the question because he would be 6 feet under by now. some of you haven’t been around long enough to have read diego’s many diatribes on his sexual prowess or his high regard of women and how they should be submissive to their lord and master. diego is a hoot, crazy chauvinistic opinions and all!! i’m just grateful to have never had a guy like that in my life. jejejeje
Maravilla – you know you love and secretly yearn for the Diego’s of the world! Ha! Where is my stallion – qucik Tornado, we have been discovered, let us make our escape…
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