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Three weeks ago a very nice woman in her late 50´s moved to San Ramon. I spent several hours with her at Cafe Delicias on more than one occasion discussing her plans to get a job, find a house, get her life on track. She came here with nothing, was in debt in the States, unable to find a job there, and thought that moving to Costa Rica was the answer to her problems. Sadly, Nancy XXXXXXX committed suicide yesterday by shooting herself in the head with a gun owned by the man in whose house she was staying after sending out an email suicide note to all her friends and family. She was thoughtful enough to commit this act outside, and not in his house, but you can imagine the trauma he must be feeling right now.
Those of us who knew her for this brief time have all asked the question, What could we have done to prevent this tragedy? Frankly, I dont think there is anything we could have done. We all extended our hands to her in friendship but really we knew very little about her — was she on psychiatric drugs that have suicide as a side effect? Had she been drinking and gotten morose? Or was life and all its disappointments just too much for her as her suicide note said?
The question I ask is how did a woman with considerable artistic talents wind up here in the first place — no financial security, no financial resources, no Spanish, expecting to get a job in a country where it would be illegal for her to work. Didn’t anyone she was in contact with prior to coming here issue these warnings to her?
We all know that Costa Rica is not for everyone. It is certainly not for the person who is already on the brink of emotional disaster. In the 5 years I have been here I have seen men and women both come completely unglued because of the frustrations of living in a foreign country, feeling isolated, alone, and estranged from all they knew previously and with which they were familiar. The romantic ideas they had about living in a third world country were quickly dashed once the reality of living here, with all its warts, eventually sunk in. I have often predicted with amazing accururacy who will be able to tough it out here, and who will buckle and go home. It´s a special mindset that keeps people was freaking out and running back from whence they came. This is a difficult place to live. It can be tedious and expensive. It can also be rewarding and uplifting. But it is not for everyone, and it is especially not for the person who is unprepared for this existence or who does not have the financial wherewithal to live here in the first place. And this is the warning I will issue to people I meet who are thinking of bailing from Gringolandia to live in Puravidaville. Can you afford to live here? Do you have a steady income stream from some source? Do you speak the language? Are you prepared to deal with another culture completely different than your own? If they have answered ´no´to any of those questions, my advice is going to be STAY WHERE YOU ARE!!! If you think moving here will solve your problems, think again. You are just trading one batch of nightmares for another.
So now Nancy XXXX has left the task of getting her remains back to the States to a person she hardly knew but who had graciously given her a place to live. I have to stop myself from thinking what a selfish act this was, but it is a lesson for all of us to properly warn people what they are getting into by coming here. If they choose to do it anyway, at least we will have given them a reality check. After that, they´re free to do what they will.
Pura Vida!
I feel your pain in dealing with this nice woman. There is nothing you could have done to prevent her ending her life. “No matter where you go, there you are!”
My heartfelt feelings for you in dealing with this tragic event.
You have my email address maravilla… I would like to ask you if you would perhaps be kind enough to rework this slight so that we could publish this as an artice on my site?
You have an important message here that I believe we need to send… Would you please?
Scott Oliver – Founder
WeLoveCostaRica.comCertainly a horrible turn of events with Nancy. So sorry to hear about that. Thank you for sharing this and hopefully it will invite someone to consider their dream a little more pragmatically in the future. The benefits to living in CR are great but the crap still smells.
a detail i didn´t learn until late yesterday is that the 72 year old gringo,living his dream in costa rica, obtained the gun illegally and it was not registered. how quickly your life can turn to s%&$ when you decide to skirt the rules and regs. so he helps a woman he never met in person, and voila, his nightmare has just begun.
Maravilla
Do you air everyone’s dirty laundry? You are sure not someone I would share any personal info with. Oh, and I’m sure you’ve done everything in your life perfectly legal and above board. I bet you’ve never even exceeded the speed limit, and when in Colorado mts, when they say, chains required, I’m sure you pulled right over in the snow storm and put them on that instant.to equate going over the speed limit with owning an illegal weapon that is used in the commission of a suicide is a specious argument. how many people on various boards talk about getting guns, sometimes legal, sometimes not? none of us can know the far reaching consequences of our actions when we choose to do something we probably shouldn´t. if this were the States, the legal sharks would be circling the waters waiting to cash in on all the lawsuits they can file against the person who had the gun, the owners of the house who rented to him, etc etc etc. this was simply meant as a cautionary tale. i´m sorry you chose to look at it in a different light. paz.
Well, Maravilla, I think there are at least two cautions to take away from this tale. First, coming to Costa Rica isn’t the cure for what ails you. If things are not going well for you in the U.S., it’s unlikely you can escape to Costa Rica and do much better. Your problems follow you wherever you go.
Second, while I’m no apologist for gun owners, I do generally recognize their legal right to own firearms. But if they do, they need to be prudent about keeping them safely stored. Leaving a gun and ammunition lying around for anyone with access to pick up is sheer irresponsibility. You are absolutely right, Maravilla, we need to anticipate possible consequences of our actions.
thanks, David. I received dozens of emails about what i wrote, including from the people who own the house where it happened, and they agreed with everything i said. and what if the gun is obtained illegally? that´s a whole other ball of wax. what happens now? i hope we all learn something from this. it is up to each individual what they will take away from this sad scenario. i´m sorry that sharon viewed it as dirty laundry.
Maravilla,
A very sad story. And one that has implications and consequences that are far reaching. There are no panaceas in life that can cure all ills. Moving to Costa Rica is certainly no panacea in itself. I’m sure you don’t know all the details of this woman’s life and how she came to be in such a position. The truly sad part is that she probably did not have a support system of family and friends that may have helped to avoid this tragedy. Her actions also caused the man whose house she was living in consequences, and caused any family and friends major grief. The entire situation is a tragedy. It is best to consider the things we do beforehand and the consequences they may bring upon ourselves and others.
A very sad story… and nothing new to any beautiful place! Folks run away thinking a new place will make their problems go away…. and when they don’t…it’s even worse.
Had it not been a gun… there were knives in the kitchen… pills in the medicine chest… rope in the closet… those so lost that they see no way out will find a way… and those left have to deal with the aftermath…
The death of this women left MANY victims… remember that!
this was my point exactly. so many people have been affected by this. surely the man who owned the gun never thought this would happen, or that there would be consequences to him having obtained it in ways not in accordance to the law, or that the person he opened his home to would be in such a mental state but then the house of cards collapses onto itself with the consequences of both their actions affecting so many people. but i find many people today are not capable to extrapolating what will happen if they do A,B,or C. they just act in their own selfish interests. And to address whether I break the speed limit, or don´t put chains on my car here in Colorado, the answer is no, i don´t speed. have never had a speeding ticket. the consequences are too great. and i don´t drive if the weather is so bad that i need chains. the consequences are too great. those who have thought about these things get my drift.
Maravilla, My thoughts are with you. I can understand the pain of a person around you committing suicide. I have known four people that committed suicide and almost everyone that cares feels a little guilt of what they might have done even though you are innocent.
I had not seen my buddy Dave in 6 months and i am still convinced that had i seen him; then he would not have killed himself.
Same as with Sidney. Hadn’t seen ol Sid in about 15 yrs. I happened to ask about him and found out he committed suicide 15 yrs ago. No wonder i hadn’t seen him around. We were very close about stuff while we worked together and drifted apart as friend’s due. His reason was over a woman.
Life goes on. That doesn’t mean we have to understand why.i´ve had a few friends who committed suicide too. it leaves a wake of destruction and sadness. i spoke to someone on the police force in San Ramon and he said that this person may face serious charges for having an illegal gun that was used in a suicide. so the repercussions have only just begun. two weeks ago i went for my driver´s license physical and the doctor i saw told me that she is in charge of doing the psycho-evals for people applying for a gun permit. i asked her if there were a lot of crazy gringos in san ramon trying to own guns and she said, yes, but they won´t be getting any! At least not legally.
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