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but what good is the psych eval if idiots are going out and obtaining illegal weapons???? i´m going to go see this doctor and tell her what happened. i wonder if this guy was one of the ones she flunked.
I think we need to turn this topic around and not get side track on guns. If I am right it is issue of people running away from their problems and thinking the grass is always greener in Costa Rica. I think too many people have a idea what paradise is and they think that running away from their problems to Costa Rica or any other place in this world is a solution. My question would be did this women ever think about other people than herself? I know that at times of dispear we don’t think about other people but what about the people that have to clean up her mess after she commited the tragity? Who made the phone calls or who had to pay the bill to fly her remains back to the states? I hope that the U.S. goverment didn’t have to pay a role in all of this because it would be a disappointment knowing that we would have to pay for the selfish deed that this women commited.
Edited on Sep 01, 2009 17:40
The article was very well written and sensitive to all concerned. I agree with all the warnings about not moving to Costa Rica unless … finances, language, knowledge, and so on. It’s not about gun ownership (good or bad), and I think that was made clear in the article. It’s a side effect of the suicide that a man may be deported (and worse) from Costa Rica for having an illegal firearm. He was trying to help a stranger, and we have all had experiences when that didn’t go well. The woman would have found another way to kill herself; it’s too bad the illegal gun was handy. For everyone. As was said in the article, it’s too easy to think “how selfish” about a suicide. Depression can make people insane. Yes, it was selfish, but have some pity.
Thank you, Liston for getting the discussion back on the right track and reminding people that depression can indeed make people insane. I, too agree that it is important to inform potential Ex-Pats contemplating a move here that this is not for everyone. Having moved here 8 months ago I am still in the process of finding my way as a single woman. I very much empathize with both Nancy XXXXX and with those who tried to help her. All of us have erred in judgment at some time in our lives. Maybe now we can be more realistic and pragmatic with our friends and acquaintances who think moving here could save them from themselves. My heart goes out to all who have been touched by this tragic ExPat story – and that is all of us.
First of all, I don’t think anyone is actually hitting on the most important fact of this whole tragic story; this woman actually felt horrible enough to take her own life! She killed herself, for crying out loud! The only people that could possibly understand the way this feels is the people who feel it themselves….depression is a chemical imbalance in the brain….it happens when Serotonin doesn’t pass properly from one side of the brain to the other, it is not a voluntary state of mind!….why do I understand this? Because I think about suicide EVERYDAY….it is a horrible burden to bear, and I have been cursed with it for 20 years. I would not wish this hell on my worst enemy. Yes it is a selfish act, but no, she is NOT to be blamed for him having an illegal weapon….no matter what the circumstances, he brought that “bad luck” upon himself.
I think this article could have been written with a lot more grace, and understanding for the people who have no control over these thoughts and feelings….it brings a classic phrase to mind “Walk a mile in my shoes”….and you know what, Patricia? Living “Many months of the year in San Ramon” does NOT make you an expert on living in Costa Rica…. I live here full time, and my physical and mental health has improved significantly since I came here; with no money, and no job, but yes of course research and a basic understanding of the language.
Some people can overcome these horrible thoughts and feelings….but still only to a degree, because like I said, I still think of it everyday. I guess I just don’t have the courage to do it.
Depression is a DISEASE, and I wish more people could understand this, because the more that do, the less people would kill themselves because they wouldn’t feel so alone in the world.I too have a seretonin imbalance for the last 15 years. I take Xanax 3X daily. No more problems. I enjoy life every day. There are many victims of this suicide. The others live on. As for guns, it is an American obsession. I don’t own one, don’t ever want to kill anyone or anything. The gringo who owned the gun should be prosecuted. He helped make it easier for her to check out early.
I agree with you – Maravilla. This story has nothing to do with making a bad traffic decision. Suicide affects everyone – not just the dead one. My ex-husband committed suicide over a year ago and left 3 young sons. The destruction to the lives he left behind will never be repairable. I get that he was in pain just as Nancy was in this story. But, life is painful and the most selfish act in the world is suicide. Thanks for printing this story.
Karen – Minneapolis
I, too, think that the article “A Tragic Story” was well-written and sensitive to all concerned. I know the author personally and am blessed to count her as a dear friend; I know she cares deeply about others. I’m certain her article was meant to inform and to sound a warning bell.
My heart goes out to all those who were hurt by this event, including the poor woman who took her own life, but I’m especially concerned with the poor ole boy whose gun it was, illegal or not, bad judgement or not, who has also lost his Tica wife in the process and may now be deported or worse!
And as a “by the way”: I’m always amazed by the attitude some people have of “shooting the messenger” or in this case, ascribing motives to the author which, if they knew her in the least bit, they would know are without any basis in reality.
Well done, Trish!
There is always more to this kind of story than anyone will ever know. The woman was probably already suicidal before she left the U.S. To do so without a plan is an act of desperation. It was a plan with a low chance of success but when someone is desperate and grasping for straws the odds are not a big concern in making the decision.
The other side of the story is the person that invited the lady into the situation. What were his motives? What did he expect? Did he think it through? On the surface the invitation may sound like a good hearted act but there were probably other things going on. He had to know the woman was desperate and possibly have emotional issues. But this is all speculation that we need not get into.
One lesson to be learned is that inviting a stranger into your home can have significant consequences. Even friends that you think you know may take advantage of the situation or not be as good a friend as you thought. What can start out as an act of compassion can end up being a nightmare.
Another lesson is that no matter how comfortable you are living in a foreign country you are always a guest of that country and should always be on the best behavior. This means no illicit drugs, no weapons, paying your taxes and being above reproach.
Members of this forum all know that such a move requires research but most would not be in Costa Rica if they did not have a significant streak of spontaneity.
Just to let people know that in the San Isidro del General region there is a new group called “Sí se puede” that meets once a month to help people to better deal with fibromyalgia. These people are more subject to depression episodes for the nature of their condition. To be heard is the first step toward healing and a better quality of life. Please feel free to come the first Saturday of each month at 10am (Spanish and English) in Morazán, next meeting on September 5th. Info 2771-7482.
This posted in the wrong place and reposted here by Scott
Posted Sep 02,2009 9:10 AM brneagl
As in Joe Friday’s day, “There are a million stories like this in the big city”. Costa Rica is a place that attracts people for one reason or another. But, it is not a place to escape to. Why did she decide to end it in Ticoville? She left notes? A gringo owing a gun? I do not think that anyone has to own a gun in Costa Rica, maybe in Chicago but not in Costa Rica. We who would like to live in Costa Rica still feel the attraction to this place with such wonderful people, and never mind the rain. All of you who reside in Costa Rica, be of stout heart, continue to enjoy the land and the people. Consider yourselves lucky to have the finances to be there and treat everyone with love as we are advised to do if we want to be happy. Brneagl
Thank you, Maravilla, for your kind intentions in writing your thoughtful and sensitive article … to try to stop this from happening to anyone else … both the suicide and the legal problems of an unregistered gun.
Suicide is a human problem that occurs everywhere, and I am thankful to see the “We Love Costa Rica” forum treat it seriously … and more importantly, as a community. As FreeBird urges, our humanity and compassion are needed to try to understand and prevent it.
Empathy may mean “tough love” to tell a desperate person that they must address their problems, not change their address.
Suicidal depression is usually NOT just a “selfish” action … but more like a horrific nightmare one feels trapped in. If someone suffered from a physical injury that caused unremitting pain, people would be more sympathetic to someone who took such a drastic “solution”. Suicide is usually NOT about indifference to the family and friends left behind, but about pain that someone finally could not endure.
Suicide is a tragedy because there are far better “solutions” but each of those better solutions requires love, compassion and empathetic support. When such support is not enough, we cannot blame ourselves … but we should not blame the victim, either.
Contrary to some popular myths, talk of suicidal thoughts or intentions should always be taken seriously. The vast majority of suicides do not tell others because they know the stigma, the judgment, and the shame attached by our society. Chemical imbalance is usually involved, but even there, kindness and compassion can help. Despair and depression cause a sort of lethargy and the supportive insistence of a friend may be needed to get someone to go to a doctor.
Thank you, Katalan, for your excellent explanation of what suicide is and isn’t and for your good advice about what we can do when confronted with a seriously depressed person. It is good that this subject is being discussed openly in the Ex-Pat community. May we all be more vigilant, empathetic and honest.
Karen, please accept my sincere regrets for your loss. Frankly, I cannot imagine what you have been through.
That said, however, I think it important to bear in mind that the person who seriously chooses to end his or her own life has feelings, too. Their pain, like the pain of their survivors, is impossible to gauge, impossible to quantify, and it is unproductive to criticize them for what they feel.
Their feelings are their feelings alone. None of us can feel what anyone else feels. We have only our own experience and feelings for reference. And when life truly becomes too burdensome, one must ask, to whom do we owe a greater debt than to ourselves? To whom do we owe it to suffer greatly?
None of this is to say that we should not stand up and shoulder our obligations. To leave a spouse and three young sons in whatever financial and psychological jeopardy is a momentous decision, indeed, and clearly there are implication for the survivors, but whose suffering should take precedence? And who’s to say?
Oh this article took my breath away like being socked in the abdomen. The ripple effects of this suicide will be far reaching.
To Alfred who said “The truly sad part is that she probably did not have a support system of family and friends that may have helped to avoid this tragedy”
This sad act takes place daily despite support systems doing everything within their power to help and in the end are helpless to stop the destruction. An elderly patient of mine had witnessed her son jump from a 7th floor window many many years ago. She carries the pain to this day. I wouldn’t want to add to anyone’s grief by adding false guilt on top of their loss.
To Freebird
Bless your heart, you DO have courage-courage to not “end it” – courage to face the next step every day. I’m proud of you-keep waking up and finding something to be grateful for every day. I send you a big hug from Tacoma Washington.
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