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Boys against girls – no. This is about unrealistic expectations and that we are flawed. There is nothing better than people who understand each other, forgive and move on. That goes for friends, business partners or lovers, husbands and wives. What Don Diego writes about is the human condition. He has pointed out is that we all are stimulated by sex. Even reading about the exploits is entertaining.
None of us knows where life goes and some of us can take it by ourselves and some can’t. If you are in a relationship with a friend, treat them as such. Don Diego has pointed out his flaws. We all are flawed when it comes to lust. But is it really a flaw? Isn’t the need to procreate fundamental? And if we have this need that sells billions of dollars of products, then shouldn’t we address it and reason about it open mindedly, instead of pretending it does not exist.
Maybe you don’t die from not having sex, but you might feel like you want to. Men’s biological desires for sex have been exploited since day one and for this reason I believe it’s humane to have legal prostitution.
In Thailand there exists the junior wife. Man meets woman, they prospers, woman sets up and runs household, man runs business and they have children. They age together and woman passes childbearing age. Man takes junior wife. This is usually a 20 year old girl that prosperous man now sponsors by paying for her modest home and supporting their new child who is raised with the first family. Senior wife and her children provide emotional support for new child and children usually act as liaison between senior and junior wife. Junior wife does not partake in senior wife’s household nor is included in inheritance. Junior wife is not expected to stay faithful to child’s father and is expected to marry and become a senior wife. Junior and senior wife maintain a healthy relationship in the village. Of course these relationships are based on financial ability. It is normal for prosperous and powerful men who can support their desires to fulfill them.
Senior wife has household, and money for security
Husband has external young partner
Junior wife has sponsorship and child
Child has stable and affluent family for support.These marriages have realistic expectations without the stigma of illegitimacy and the pretense that men desire one sexual partner their entire life.
Noel2460 is less than eloquently expressing his biological design. Don Diego please pass the charm. But he supports my claim in a vulgar way that tolerance for this primary desire is at the least humane. If its accepted in society, people benefit, and I believe you are seeing a shift in Tico society – a moving away from the stigma of unwed mothers and women choosing not to wait for mariage to have children and its expectations and commitment to fidelity. I also see more Tico fathers taking part in not only supporting but raising their children – outside of marriage. IMO marriages are not as frequent because people do not want the stigma of being in a “failed” marriage and because both mother and father do not want to partake in the church’s unreal expectations of marriage. Ticos are starting to find marriage unrealistic.
Marvy – You get it! amazing. Got any sisters, second or third, fourth or fifth cousins, podles, pugs or pomorainians? Why i’d almost couple up with a chupacabra to get next to you. Me and don diego are going to have to duke it out.
$100 are accepted at banks. The locals don’t want them because if they were phoney they would lose too much and they may not have enough money to change them.
Bring some small bills to use when you get here. Capital One Credit Card does not charge you the 3 – 5 % that other cards do. They have no overseas transaction fees.
Charles Scwab Bank allows you to use your debit card to take money out of any ATM world wide and they not only do not charge a transaction fee, they actually pay the fee the owner of the ATM charges the user! WOW baby. What’s in your wallet Charlie?
I use ATM all the time now and keep a couple hunderd on me.
I don’t think the author was trying to portray good and bad people, but that people fall short. The punishment needs to fit the crime. Would you divorce over an unfaithful spouse. All who have chimed in please simply ansewer Yes or No. For me, although I would be upset, I would not divorce over it.
AS far as the post itself goes, it was vry interesting, provocative and well written. If you couldn’t get through it, either you were uninterested or lack reading skill.
I can see where it would upset the man stuck with an overbearing US wife who secretly yearns to be free, and I can see where this kind of the “emperor has no cloths” article would upset US women too.
The 50% divorce rate bears out that there are indeed unrealistic expectations in US marriages. But I know plenty of competent women who say the same thing that competent US men say “How come I can’t find someone?” I think it has to do with their expectations of perfection. We are all imperfect and the US “perfect wedding / perfect marriages” perfect this, perfect that attitude is nauseating. Maybe that is why I like it here because it is gloriously imperfect.
Need to consider the functional marriages where both men and women pull their weight too. There is nothing better than being in a balanced respectful relationship in which each couples respect the other’s gender and are true to their own. Unfortunately, these marriages seem to be in the minority in the US and I see them more frequently in cultures that have long-standing traditions. Even these marriages are not immune to infidelities.
There is the emasculation of the American male to consider (look at the super bowl adds) and the masculation of the American female to consider. Many US men are here to escape that.
I can see why US men come here to live a life free of the distorted social norms of the US. Face it; Costa Rica is much wilder. The social mores in the US make it easy for some to lable others as losers because of the intense competition and the Jones complex. Maybe that is another reason people come here – to get away from that.
Overall, this goes back to the reason people come here, either to seek a new lifestyle, in that case the post makes perfect sense, or to recreate the US lifestyle here for cheaper. Those people will see this post as going against the norm, because they believe that the US lifestyle is the norm – Those who have a worldview know that it is not.
“I have done a lot of research via internet and asking CR natives living in Miami”
sanvald,
There is a lot of info on the net and almost too much. The good thing about these authors is their volume of information and the research that goes into a book. Books have editors and the info in a book is much more reliable than the web in most cases.
Also consider the source. Van Rheean is a seasoned travel writer and Baker is a Costa Rica consultant who has years of practical experience and lives in San Jose. Scott has been in Costa Rica for several years and runs this site. So whos info would you depend on? The locals in Miami, a blooger – or someone who has taken probally a year or so to research and write a book? Yeah you can get good info on the net but there is a lot of junk info too. Then there is the hours spent on the net collecting info. If you time is vsaluable the amount of researched info you get in a book is quite a deal. I’d rather spend the money on a book and have the info at hand on my trip.
If you have not been here or have limited experience here, you should start by reading some of the many books about Costa Rica, including Scotts.
When it comes to understanding Costa Rica’s differnt regions I suggest reading Phil Baker’s Costa Rica Now. It also explains the culture. Living Abroad in Costa Rica is also a well-written book about living here, but its author (Erin Van Rheean) does not explore Costa Rica’s differnt areas like Baker does in Costa Rica Now. Scotts book explains the basics about buying real estate here. Baker’s book has a differnt approach and covers attorneys and other issues regarding the real estate industry and its professionals.
The caribbean coast has a distinct afrocaribbean culture. The food is also differnt. The coastline is all very similar and beautiful with aquamarine water and golden sand. The west coast has a wider variety of landscapes. Baker’s book also rates the pacific coast and the caribean coast according to weather, access, beauty, infrastructure and amenities providing an overview of each areas strenghts and weaknesses. So if you have not been here yet or if you have, but do not know the entire country then you may want to start with Van Rheean’s and Baker’s books.
You seem determined to read-in what you wish to my posts. I can do that to, but I don’t think we want to go there.
I notice your sarcasm. I want to give you the benefit of the doubt, but I think you are trying to get a rise out of me. I’d think twice. Ooh oh – I am going there…
I was trying to be polite and genuine, but that is obviously not working and my patients and good intention are wearing thin from you contentiousness and sense of superiority due to your perceived politically correct high ground. Political correctness doesn’t mean squat here.
Site all the statistics you want, but there is little if any political correctness here – and I love it for that.
I would not expect Costa Rica to kowtow to your expectations. You will be entering a world where if you have a big nose they will refer to you as nariz grande; if you have dark skin they will refer to you as little blackie (negritita); if you are tall: la larga or fat you will be called little fatty (la godita); skinny will be flacita (little skinny). If you are a woman, you will be looked at as a sexual object. If you are rich, you will be calle don or dona and seen as attractive for your money. It will not be “she is only with him for the money” It will be “She is with him for the money and I wish I was her.” There is a lot of truth here. Protection by the law is nil etc etc.
The differences are profound and inexhaustible. Anything left unlocked or attended will be stolen because obviously your have too much if you left it unlocked or unattended (and the police will concur). You will not be shown any courtesy driving; if you talk back to a strange man or make a driving gesture to a man in your local neighborhood, their female counterparts will demonize you.
Regardless of your point (FYI “irregardless” is not a word), you will be treated and viewed as different, and you will be charged more money than Ticos for the same service (gee a lot of political correctness there), and you will have to earn your way into the Tico neighborhood.
Your expectations won’t get you squat here. Your cultural differences and your sense of righteousness about them will be view by the Ticos as naiveté. The moment you try to teach Ticos the right way, or your way, to act, cook, clean or behave, you will learn valuable lessons at the expense of your pocket book and reputation.
This ain’t Kansas anymore Dorothy.
So you better cozy up to that reality, or you are in for a rude awakening. As a matter of fact your preconceived expectations will put you farther behind as you will be fixated on what you are not receiving to the point that you will become unaffected by the good stuff all around you. I have seen that movie play here a 1000 times.
You are setting yourself up for disappointment. When you go running home with your tail between your legs, I guess I won’t need to say I told you so. Oops, I am going in that direction I didn’t want to go in… and by the way revealing this to you is doing you a big favor. I doubt you will appreciate it though as you seem unappreciative of opinion given from practical experience that does not fit your preconceived idea of paradise you think of as Costa Rica.
Well I guess that about covers it. Nevertheless, before I sign off can you please share your Costa Rica societal experiences – from your practical experience of course.
Sue, I am trying to give a realistic view of my experience nothing more. Come here and see for your self and let me know if indeed your experience is the same – or not. (however, I bet it is).
The gist of this is that you are comparing apples to mangos.
Where have you been getting your info? Obviously not from people who really live here. Costa Rica may be at the forefront of womens equality for latin america – most definantly not worldwide. It’s way behind. Expect to be whistled at if you are walking alone in many places.
Also Costa Rica is very traditional. Although that is changing, in my experience if you hang out anywhere else but Escazu and Santaana, and maybe a couple other places you will encounter resistance to progressive values.
And regarding progessives and changes, do progressives ever realize that all changes are not good changes, or is it just change for change’s sake or change so we can operate by the new rules? That is for their advantage, If it anit broke, don’t fix it. If it is broke I am ready for the fix.
Just a heads up.
Tony hit on one of my pet peeves (If I sound like a complaing Gringo it is because I am acting like one. Except I am complaining about the complaining Gringos!)and I agree with John 100%. Sick and tired of North Americans coming down here and not doings as the Ticos do. They are so conditioned to following every little rule that they make a mess. It like when the marines were found guilty in A Few Good Men for not knowing which order to follow. Look around you. See what the Ticos do in the same situations, and then do likewise. If you do not, you are on the progressive side: you want CR to be more like the US. If that is true, please spare us all and go back to the US. Those that come here to try and I say TRY to replicate their lives in the US here, for less money, eventually fail and return home. While they are trying to do so, they screw it up for us, because they behave according to their social norms. Figure out what is the local custom and stick to it. We North Americans have been socially brainwashed and can’t seem to see that in this case the grass is actually greener here.
Tony hit on one of my pet peeves (If I sound like a complaing Gringo it is because I am acting like one. Except I am complaining about the complaining Gringos!)and I agree with John 100%. Sick and tired of North Americans coming down here and not doings as the Ticos do. They are so conditioned to following every little rule that they make a mess. It like when the marines were found guilty in A Few Good Men for not knowing which order to follow. Look around you. See what the Ticos do in the same situations, and then do likewise. If you do not, you are on the progressive side: you want CR to be more like the US. If that is true, please spare us all and go back to the US. Those that come here to try and I say TRY to replicate their lives in the US here, for less money, eventually fail and return home. While they are trying to do so, they screw it up for us, because they behave according to their social norms. Figure out what is the local custom and stick to it. We North Americans have been socially brainwashed and can’t seem to see that in this case the grass is actually greener here.
Tony hit on one of my pet peeves (If I sound like a complaing Gringo it is because I am acting like one. Except I am complaining about the complaining Gringos!)and I agree with John 100%. Sick and tired of North Americans coming down here and not doings as the Ticos do. They are so conditioned to following every little rule that they make a mess. It like when the marines were found guilty in A Few Good Men for not knowing which order to follow. Look around you. See what the Ticos do in the same situations, and then do likewise. If you do not, you are on the progressive side: you want CR to be more like the US. If that is true, please spare us all and go back to the US. Those that come here to try and I say TRY to replicate their lives in the US here, for less money, eventually fail and return home. While they are trying to do so, they screw it up for us, because they behave according to their social norms. Figure out what is the local custom and stick to it. We North Americans have been socially brainwashed and can’t seem to see that in this case the grass is actually greener here.
I am not a racist or misogynist so please don’t play the male guilt card regarding women as I don’t do racial or gender guilt. My observation is that female equality in Costa Rica has been lagging. Hard core feminist are loathed here. The idea of a female president is rather strange to many Ticos. Traditional values are a staple to Costa Rica life and many US women have a hard time dealing with the macho attitudes here. Like it or not they are hear. Remember mother’s day is the biggest federal holiday where the most money is spent. Ticos are hardly anti-woman, but their attitude that women are the same as men (equality) exist to a much lesser degree. They worship mom. Women as the boss in the work place? Not so much. You’ll see.
My advice to US women is to walk softly here as overly assertive gringas tend to bring a wrath of gossip among both sexes and if you live in a Tico neighborhood it can make coexisting less comfortable. Ticas don’t particularly like their husbands taking orders from women and Ticos who are more charming when it comes to this subject privately will tell you they don’t like working for women. If you don’t believe me, live here, build here or work here and you will see what I mean.
You don’t go to a school that teaches science if you want to be a farmer. You don’t go to school that teaches farming to be a scientist.
So I really don’t get the point here (if there is any).
Costa Rica schools do a good job of teaching social skills. Not all Costa Rica schools are the same. Some are strict (I assume) and some are not. One thing I can tell from my observations is that Ticos are very social and charming. Where they learn this charm and style is from a combination of variables and I am sure one of the variables in the equation is school since so much time is spent there.
I would love to see Costa Rican return to agriculture. Doubt if it will happen though, especially under the progressive leadership that champions free trade female equality etc etc.
So go to a local school if you want your kids to have traditional values and goals (agricultural). Most Tico parents I know would love to send their kids to private school. My kid goes to a private school that is 67% Tico and teaches in English.
So why is it 67% Tico? Changing values is why; Tradition is fading in Costa Rica. Catch it while you can, US values and ways are pouring through the crack in the green wall. Too bad…
