Ever feel “no longer invited to the party”? “Put out to pasture”? Ever feel that your skills, that your experience, that YOU are no longer valued or needed? Ever feel that life has lost meaning and purpose?

Retired or younger resident, remember that you can throw your own “party” and create your own sense of meaning and purpose.

Retirement can be a relief from the problems of the work world and a detachment from the world as a whole. In fact the word “retire” means both leaving a job and “ceasing the active life.” For some, both of those meanings are satisfying. While for others, there’s a great sense of loss, of “what now”-until they identify their purpose. Likewise, for younger immigrants to CR, life here can feel like an ending or, if you choose, a meaningful beginning.

The Benefits of Having Meaning and Purpose

The “M..” in the P.E.R.M.A. happiness guidelines reminds us of the many benefits of having meaning and purpose in our lives. In addition to Positive emotions, Engaging activities, satisfying Relationships and Accomplishments, the full life requires focus, direction, a road map to our goals, and a powerful reason to live. It requires Meaning and purpose.

Such meaning and purpose answers that nagging “Why am I here?” question and helps us have a reason to persist in the face the inevitable setbacks and losses of aging. It enables us to say “no” to distractions and other people’s ideas about what’s good for us. And it enables us to go our own way, when others may snicker at our life choices: “You want to live WHERE???”

Possible Sources of Meaning and Purpose

Over the ages and cultures, humanity has pursued numerous meanings of life. While we may tend to think that our meaning is right for all people, the reality is that some meanings and purposes suit us and some don’t. Of the many possibilities that humankind has pursued we see:

Spirituality

Here the view is that life/the cosmos was created by a divine being/power who also GIVES our lives meaning:

• To know, love, and serve God…
• To achieve enlightenment….
• To become one with the ultimate source of all being…

Our purpose here is to CONNECT with the infinite, giving our lives some significance beyond our brief and puny existence. Such spiritual meaning systems often require our “doing unto others..”.

Materialism

Many moderns reject the idea of anything spiritual. Matter is all there is. Passing on our genes is the only “reason” we live. Any “transcendence” of the material is purely intellectual, conceptual, an imaginary result of our brain’s ability to CREATE. So any “meaning” that we give our lives is purely of our own devising since our lives have no transcendent purpose. But if such imagination help us survive and adapt, all the better. And the human capacity for creativity brings something to the cosmos that would not exist unless we create it. Is there some meaningful creation ONLY you could provide the cosmos?

It can be frightening to be responsible for our our meaning. WHO are we to…?? And it can be liberating to realize that we have such powers of CREATING meaning.

Altruism

Whether created by a divine being or entirely the result of purposeless physical processes, life is grueling struggle for all creatures. And if in our human capacity for awareness we see the struggles of others and choose to lighten their loads, we can give our life a significance beyond our narrow experience and existence-we made a difference. We didn’t just “pass through”. We did for others. We GIVE/CARE and make some difference in other lives. Selflessness is actually the best thing we can do for ourselves, giving us meaning and purpose.

Hedonism

Life is indeed grueling, but it also includes moments of pleasure and joy. And so we “beat the odds” and make our and others’ lives better by grabbing any and all opportunities for pleasure. Why bother to live if all we experience is pain? Since we all die, why not at least ENJOY ourselves on our way to that grim end? Pleasure isn’t “sin” or selfish. It’s the only aspect of living that makes our lives worthwhile, bearable. If “life sucks, then we die”, it’d be totally foolish to take the thing seriously and not enjoy whatever we can.

Sensationalism

Life can be grueling and deadly boring. A long, slow slog to the grave. But we do have the chance for some excitement along the way: thrills, adventures, wondrous sights, sounds, tastes, sex.. Go for it! Don’t be a “stick in the mud’, enjoy the show! Escape the mundane, the ordinary. Exhilarating, awesome EXPERIENCE is everything.

Personal Growth

We were destined from birth to grow bigger, stronger, and more capable of survival. We were never “designed” to remain infants or children. Just think of the drive in a baby to crawl, than to walk and talk. Nor were we ever going to “top out” in high school or college when we may have been at our physical peak. There was and is a lot more “growing” to do.

Each one of us has developed some strength, some talent, some ability that seems was our destiny to fulfill. What was yours? Did you take it all the way? Is there more room for improvement?

Maybe you wanted to become smarter, emotionally stronger, better understand the world and others? Be a better person, more empathic, more comfortable socially, more confident, less anxious? GROWTH not stagnation is the aim here.

To Love and Be Loved

To care deeply and fully about someone else’s well being is a guaranteed way of transcending one’s own isolating inner life. To be loved gives our life a significance and purpose that none of these other meanings can hope to match. To be indispensable to someone gives us value and meaning. To find someone indispensable to us, gives us the purpose of caring for them.Here “LOVE is all there is…”

Notice the sense of HOPE in every one of these approaches to meaning. Each gives a feeling that life can be/will be better than our current, limited existence. If we……then we will feel…..is the implicit promise in all these systems of meaning.

Identifying Your Unique Life Meaning and Purpose

If none of these possibilities “jump out” and feel like new direction or the rediscovery of some forgotten sense of meaning, how else might we find OUR answer to the “why am I here?’ question?

Try something more concrete, less abstract possibilities:

1. RECALL the last period of your life when you were thriving, when you lived with zest. Maybe it was reaching retirement so you could sing “Ain’t gonna work on _____’s farm, no more”. Well, you’re free from all that “farm work”. Free from? And more importantly, free to??

   What does it “say” about who you are to have won that freedom? What kind of person does that make you?

2. VOLUNTEER: Every society, even one as naturally blessed as Costa Rica, has unmet needs. And those needs are opportunities for us to feel needed again. In my area, there is an animal rescue and a turtle egg protection project, as well as some other conservation activities.

   Such organizations offer us the chance to “help God’s creatures:”, “preserve the planet”, “love and be loved by puppies”, “feel the joy of playing with a happy dog”, “experience the awe of touching a giant sea turtle”, and so on.

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   And such organizations need our signature strengths and provide a chance to see “if I still got what it takes”. Imagine the satisfactions of being able to use your organizing/managing skills, your marketing, teaching, and health care abilities, your reliability and professionalism, etc once again. As bad as you wanted to escape “______’s farm”, I’ll bet there were aspects of the job that you loved. Can volunteering enable you to feel that competence, that expertise once again?

3. MENTORING:More opportunities for “making a difference” and exercising your unique strengths once again, lie in mentoring others. You certainly have some skills that a Tico or a gringo would love to learn.

   And, in return, you live by your values of altruism, love, having unique experiences, or the pleasure of that great big smile of gratitude that you’re sure to get. Are there possibilities of enlightenment in better understanding the lives of others? Personal growth in teaching to others what you are wanting to master for yourself?



4. COMMUNITY SERVICE: Some wonderful people in my area see that the roads are graded and passable, the water drinkable, and community informed. Any chances for making a difference, exercising your skills, or living according to your values in those activities?
5. ARTISTIC CREATION: I’m always amazed by the number of painters, photographers, sculptors, and creative landscaping gardeners that populate my area. Might you create meaning for yourself by creating some art that expresses life in paradise?

STILL Stuck?

We can look at our lives as “stories” being told by our living. What does the your life “say” so far?
What would you like it to “say” when the final chapters are written?

Is there some theme in your life that provided you with a vibrant sense of meaning that you’ve lost sight of? For example, “my life has always been about….”. “In the past I was most fulfilled when….”

Find meaning and purpose by reconnecting with fulfilling themes from your past. Or by “writing” a different ending-finally capturing the meaning that eluded you earlier. Did you escape :”_____’s farm” just to indenture yourself to some different, oppressed life?

Re-Visiting Antsiri

Last time I mentioned the inspiration that I found in a 5 year old Tica living in a small, isolated simple home. If you recall, this child was bound and determined to enjoy and learn from the gringo visitors who showed up when their car broke down. She was so exuberant, so zestful, so happy about a life that many would consider impoverished and sadly limited.

“Well, of course she was,” you say. “She was way too young to realize what lies ahead” .Yes, clearly so.

AND, have you become too old and jaded to realize that life always holds out the hope of some fulfilling purpose IF only you Connect, Create, Give/Care, Enjoy, Experience, Grow, and/orLove?

Next time the last P.E.R.M.A. guideline: Accomplishment/Achievement.

YOUR input, reactions are always meaningful to me at email here

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Written by Tony Johnson is a retired university mental health center psychologist. He has lived, learned and enlarged his happiness in the Costa Ballena for over three years. He has the curiosity of a coati about all things life! These articles are his best shot at answering those “Life Questions”. Hopefully, you will find them informative and useful.

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